Mass Effect: Echoing Truth
by mrhooberbloob
Summary: Tali'Zorah is rescued by an amazing, yet troubled human Spectre. Though she doesn't believe it, can their friendship be something...more?
1. Chapter 1

**So. My first fanfic. This is the story of ME1, mostly around Tali's POV. Though I want to mainly focus on the Shepard/Tali romance, I include missions to solidify Tali's relationship with the other crewmembers. Hopefully this will come in handy for my later works :)**

**Any reviews and ratings are greatly appreciated. And I'm looking for beta-readers! Editing my own writing isn't going so well...**

**Enjoy!**

Tali'Zorah nar Rayya stood in an alleyway in the Wards, nervously wringing her hands. She shifted her weight from leg to leg, trying to work out her anxiety.

So far, her Pilgrimage has been hopeless. She had followed a platoon of geth to a planet beyond the Veil and ambushed a lone unit. She extracted some data from its memory core, but ended up being chased across the galaxy for it. Saren's men had relentlessly pursued her, wounding her and killing a close companion, forcing her to offer the information to Fist, an agent of the Shadow Broker. Now here she was, waiting for the Shadow Broker to meet her in person.

She had learned the hard way: out here, she had no friends, no family, no allies. Even those on the Citadel, the pinnacle of galactic civilization, treated quarians with disgust. Everywhere she went, people gave her dirty looks and a wide berth. To them, she was just another filthy quarian thief. She desperately needed security, for someone to take her away from the people that mistrusted and hurt her. The Shadow Broker was her way out. Fist would take her data and give her protection in return. Her Pilgrimage was starting to look up. But why was she so nervous?

She took a deep breath and forced her hands apart.

A turian, flanked by a pair of armored salarians, approached her from the end of the hallway. The turian's face was painted with a curious design; it looked like a skull. The strange marks on his face, along with the dim setting in the alleyway, made the scene quite ominous to her.

"Did you bring it?" He walked closer to her in confident, predatory steps.

"Where's the Shadow Broker? Where's Fist?" Tali demanded. Something wasn't right. The Shadow Broker had confirmed that he would be here in person!

He roughly ran a clawed hand down the side of her hood and onto her shoulder. "They'll be here. Now, the data."

Tali slapped his hand away and took a step back. Her hand lingered on the edge of her shotgun. "No way. The deal's off."

The turian slowly drew his pistol and waved it menacingly in the air. Tali's body tensed up in fear. "I don't have time for this. Give me the data, or I'll put a bu-"

A blade sprouted from the turian's neck. His eyes went wide and he coughed up blood, the blue droplets splattering over Tali's mask. She let out a cry as she fell to the floor in surprise. More blood gurgled from the turian's throat before he slumped over onto the ground, revealing a tall human in jet-black armor, an N7 logo emblazoned on his right pectoral. Only his eyes could be seen through his helmet. They were pitch black, with a dark glint that promised murder.

The salarians raised their pistols at the human, taking quick aim. Before they could fire, the sharp crack of a sniper rifle sounded and a salarian's head exploded into chunks of flesh and mists of green blood. The remaining salarian was charged by an enormous krogan in red armor and tossed like a ragdoll against the wall, taking a shotgun blast upon hitting the floor.

Tali looked at the human as he hastily cleaned his blade on the turian's corpse and sheathed it on his right calf. He was taller and broader than most humans she had seen. He was also visibly well-muscled, even in armor. He crouched down to her and removed his helmet, brows furrowed in concern. His eyes were now a deep brown. Strange.

"Are you alright?"

He was shockingly handsome, for an alien. He had a head of messy black hair and strong jaw. His features exuded a careless but authoritative confidence, yet there was also a pleasant aura of calm about him. His voice was relaxed and warm. She couldn't help but feel safe in his presence.

"Miss…?"

Tali snapped out of her daydreaming, realizing that she was staring. Heat rose to her cheeks, and she began twiddling with her fingers.

"Ah.. you... sorry. I-I'm fine. T-Thank you.."

The human's face relaxed and he gave her a small smile. He stood and held out an open hand, which Tali accepted. She was hoisted back to her feet without much effort, leaving Tali impressed with his strength. Her eyes lingered on his arms, wondering what they would look like without the armor… Shaking her head to regain her composure, she spoke angrily.

"Fist set me up! I knew I couldn't trust him!"

"Fist won't be a problem anymore. We've dealt with him."

Tali whirled around in surprise. The flanged voice belonged to a turian in blue armor, who was collapsing a long sniper rifle onto his back. How could she have not noticed him? Was it because she was engrossed with this human before her?

Yes…

The human tapped her shoulder and she turned to face him. He pulled a piece of cloth from within his armor and handed it to her, an apologetic look on his face. "You have some…" He gestured helplessly at her helmet.

Tali stood dumbfounded for a few moments, before gingerly accepting the rag and the turian blood from her mask. She handed it back to him and looked down to her feet.

"T-thank you."

She was never shown such kindness from a non-quarian before. The gesture was profoundly kind and heartwarming to her. This human was so unlike everyone else that she had met. Even her other rescuers were strangely aloof. The turian was giving her an appraising look with his arms crossed, while the krogan was looting the bodies for weapon mods and credits. Looking back up at the human, she smiled shyly, though he couldn't see it. She would be safe with him.

"Um.. If you don't mind me asking, w-who are you?"

Her face heated up again as the human gave her a lopsided grin. "I'm Commander Shepard, Systems Alliance. This," he said, gesturing at the turian and krogan, "is Officer Garrus Vakarian and Urdnot Wrex. We're looking for data to prove that Spectre Saren Arterius has gone rogue."

Tali straightened up, trying to look as professional as possible, despite wanting to tightly hug the human and thank him for hours on end. "I'm Tali'Zorah nar Rayya. I have the data you're looking for, so I can repay you for saving my life."

The Commander gestured for the group to form up and addressed her. "C'mon. We'll take you to the human embassy. You'll be safe there."

Tali followed with a giddy smile and a slight bounce to her step. From her position behind him, she had a _great _view of his ass. Her Pilgrimage was definitely looking up.


	2. Chapter 2

**Beta-Readers, assemble! Please please please PM me if you can help me out! You'll see that this chapter seriously needs work. It just doesn't flow and it's awkward... definitely not proud of this one.**

**Review and favorite, as always. I'm surprised I got so many views and even a few follows and reviews after my first chapter. Thanks a lot guys!**

**Anyways, try to enjoy this awful chapter. More coming soon. They'll be better, I promise.**

Tali stepped off the elevator after Garrus, Wrex, and Shepard, and walked towards the docking bay. They began to converse with Ambassador Udina and Captain Anderson, but her attention was captured by the beautiful ship at port. She slowly drifted from the group, practically floating, and leaned forward onto a railing, overlooking the warship.

"Normandy…" she whispered.

"Beautiful, isn't she?"

Tali turned her head to see the Commander next to her. "She looks amazing! On the flotilla, our ships look nothing like this!" A thought crossed her mind. "Um, Commander? W-would you mind if I, um, accompany you? You know, if it's not too much trouble. If it is, then I'll just leave but I really think that your mission will need more specialists and I'm skilled at fighting geth, not to say that your team lacks tech skills, but-"

The Commander cut her off with a warm smile that made her face burn. "I'd love to have another tech expert aboard. But…" His face creased with a frown. "I wouldn't want to risk…"

He looked away before continuing. "Are you sure you want to come on this mission? We won't just be fighting geth. We might see things, do things that…" He looked back at her. "Do you think you have what it takes?"

Tali nodded emphatically. "Of course. I was trained extensively by the Migrant Fleet Marines in combat, among other things."

The Commander let out a sigh. "Combat isn't what I was worried about." He gave her a small smile, with a hint of… sadness? "Alright then. Welcome to the team."

Tali again fought a powerful urge to embrace him. "I won't let you down, Commander Shepard."

* * *

Commander Shepard stood before his assembled ground team in the CIC, pacing back and forth. Tali was amazed by his aura of command. The whole squad, even Wrex, stood up straight with respect and pride for the man and their mission.

"You know what you signed up for. This mission will be extremely dangerous, if not suicidal. If you chose to leave now, I won't think any less of you." He paused briefly. "Though Saren is no longer a Spectre, he is still a threat. But he thinks that we are helpless, that we can't fight back! We'll prove him wrong. We _will_ catch Saren, and we _will_ bring him to justice!"

He stood and faced the group, hands behind his back. "Alenko, Williams, you have your stations. As for the rest of you, you aren't required to do any work, but if you want make yourselves useful, just let me know. And don't kill each other. Dismissed."

Garrus and Wrex walked off towards the elevator, presumably towards the cargo bay. Tali stayed behind, hands clasped nervously in front of her, head bowed. She wanted desperately to see the mass effect core, to look at its inner workings and tinker with its algorithms. The Normandy was truly beautiful work of engineering from the outside; she could only imagine what wonders it held within. The only drive core she had worked on was the Rayya's, which was ancient. Examining the Normandy would be, literally, a dream come true.

But why would the Commander allow it? Why would anyone allow it? She was a _quarian_, a thief that would steal the Normandy's blueprints to bring back to fleet. No, she was just very lucky that she met a tolerant human. Asking for any more than what he'd already given her would be overstepping her boundaries.

"Something you need, Miss nar Rayya?" Commander Shepard's voice broke her train of thought. "Or is it Miss Zorah? I've never met a quarian before, sorry."

Tali looked up to meet his gaze. She could get lost in those pools of hazel and deep chocolate… "Please, call me Tali, Commander. But if you want to call me Miss Zorah, then that's fine. Whatever makes you comfortable…"

"Alright Tali." She couldn't help but smile when he said her name for the first time. "Something on your mind?"

"Um, yes. If you wouldn't mind, I would like to work on the engines. I'm a quarian, so I know my way around ships and such, but if you don't want me to see them then that's fine too, since this is an Alliance ship and all, but-"

He cut her off with a wry grin and a raised hand. "Sure, if you think that's where you'll be most useful. I'll have Adams give you full access. He's the Normandy's Chief Engineer."

Tali shifted her gaze to the floor and fidgeted with her hands. "T-thank you, Commander. For saving me. And letting me join your crew. And for being nice to me…" she mumbled.

"You're welcome," he said with a smile. "I have some reports to write, but if you need anything, my cabin is right there. I'm always free to talk." With that, he nodded his goodbye and walked towards the cockpit.

A few of the crew gave her strange looks as she sprinted through the CIC, but she didn't care. Tali hopped into the elevator and jabbed the button repeatedly.

* * *

Tali stood at her terminal at the left of Engineering studying the drive core's algorithms. Working on the Normandy was literally the best thing that ever happened to her. Except for meeting Commander Shepard, maybe. It was so kind of him to give her full access to the engines. The engineering crew was very amiable as well; they didn't seem to care if she was a quarian. Humans seemed less racist than turians, or asari, or… well everyone else.

She continued typing for a few more minutes and executed her changes. Adams gave her a quick smile and a thumbs up. Humans were full of strange gestures and expressions. She again buried herself into the engines with a renewed fervor.

A hand tapped her shoulder and Tali froze, muscles clenched, mind racing. The rational part of her brain shut down, and only images of Saren's assassins and Fist's mercenaries flashed before her eyes. She didn't notice that she was aboard an Alliance vessel, captained by a Spectre, no less. She just wanted to survive.

Tali was scared, but she would not wait to act. Not again. Waiting to draw her shotgun in the alleyway almost got her killed. She spun around in a flash, knocking the hand from her shoulder and taking a swing at her assailant's face.

Her fist was deftly caught in a five fingered hand. She gasped; the hand belonged to Commander Shepard, an unreadable expression on his face.

"OH! Commander Shepard! I… I-I just.. I'm s-so sorry." She was close to tears. She had ruined her golden opportunity to study the Alliance's most advanced vessel. She had lost her security with the Normandy's crew. "I was thinking about the alleyway and those assassin's and I thought that you… I'll just.. I'll just go."

She made to move past the Commander, but he put a warm hand on her shoulder and gave it a squeeze. "It's okay, Tali." He gave her a gentle smile that made her knees tremble. "Sorry to scare you like that." Tali realized how much she was leaning into his touch when he removed his hand.

"I… You aren't mad?" she asked tentatively.

He treated her to a small chuckle and a grin. She smiled back, despite herself. "Naw, that was mostly my fault. I walk too quietly. Force of habit."

Tali quickly forgot about her blunder. "Where did you learn to do that? Is that how you snuck up on the turian in the alleyway?"

"Years of practice. And I have a cloak." he showed her where his cloaking generator was clipped to his belt. His tone quickly became serious. "You alright though? Going through what happened must've been traumatic."

Tali didn't want to appear weak or burdensome to her new Commander, but something about this man made her feel safe, welcome, and trusted. She was obliged to tell him the truth.

"I feel nervous. They might come after me again." she mumbled. "Not so say that your ship is unsafe, Commander." she quickly added.

He nodded understandingly. "A typical case of post-traumatic stress. Those who see a lot of combat just shrug it off after a while." He paused, as if carefully choosing his words. "Look Tali, not trying to underestimate your ability or anything, but this kind of thing might come up often. I just don't want you to… break."

"Don't worry Commander Shepard, I can handle it." she said with enthusiasm.

He gave her a grin. "You know that you don't have to call me Commander Shepard all the time, right?"

"But that would be so disrespectful!" she said incredulously.

"You're not Alliance, so technically, you would have to scream insults at me to be disrespectful." he said with an amused expression. "You can just call me Shepard. Everyone does."

"Oh, okay… Shepard." The word felt strange on her tongue, but she liked it.

"And another thing." Shepard said. "I apologize for the lack of food for quarians. To my understanding, quarians can eat turian cuisine, and I don't think Garrus would mind sharing, but there just isn't enough to go around. I'm not sure where we can pick up some more dextro rations, but if I find a place I'll let you know."

It was very sweet of him to think about her rations, even though he didn't understand the quarian immune system.

"Thanks for the concern, but I can't eat his food even though we share the same protein-chirality. Quarians have severely weak immune systems caused by in sterile environments for the past three hundred years. That's why I wear this suit, why I can't smell a flower or see without a mask in the way, why I even can't touch another person." Her tone got increasingly bitter as her thoughts progressed, and she mentally kicked herself for ending on such a… suggestive note.

His head drooped slightly. "I'm sorry, I didn't know."

Tali was again touched by his open-mindedness and sympathy for her people. "Anyways, the Fleet prepares Pilgrims well for this kind of thing. I have months of nutrient paste to use, so don't worry."

Shepard looked up at the mention of Pilgrimage. "You mentioned a Pilgrimage earlier in Udina's office. What does it entail, exactly?"

Just then, his omni-tool chimed and flashed on this forearm. He frowned at it and looked back up at her apologetically. "Sorry Tali, I'll have to cut this short. We'll talk again, okay?"

"Of course!" she blurted out. Tali ducked her head shyly. "I mean, yes. I'd like that."

He gave her a big smile and a pat on the arm. "I'll see you later."

Tali nodded in confirmation and turned back to her terminal. As she continued typing, her heart continued to pound in her chest and the smile would _not_ leave her face.


	3. Chapter 3

**Big shout-out kill-phil for his most recent review. He brought to my attention the lack of lines between scenes, even though I CLEARLY REMEMBER PUTTING THEM THERE! I'm still new to the document editing thing, so sorry if that was a little confusing.**

**Are my chapters too short? I feel that they should be a little longer, with more scenes, but that would mean less frequent updates. What do you, my readers (all six of you), want to see? Leave a comment or PM me, let me know.**

**Beta-readers! D: help me...**

**Enjoy. And leave a review. And favorite/follow my story! Thanks for reading!**

* * *

Tali was working late, far past her shift. The Normandy was truly a marvel of engineering. She could have gone to sleep a few hours ago, but studying a drive core this advanced was literally wild fantasy for her. She fully expected to wake up from an amazing dream any second now.

She heard the clanging of metal boots on the deck plates and turned. Shepard was walking over to her with a sly grin on his face, practically stomping on the floor. She giggled softly. She hadn't expected him to remember to walk more noisily, though it was a pleasant surprise. _No, he's just a good leader that cares about his crew. Why would he pay more attention to you?_

"Shepard!" she blurted out. "Your ship is amazing!"

"It's a prototype," he responded. "Cutting edge stuff."

"This is like a dream come true for me! Back on the Flotilla, our ships are centuries old and they're patched with second-hand equipment. We have nothing like this."

"I had no idea you were so interested in ships."

"It comes with being a quarian. We live on ships, so all quarians have to be at least proficient in tech to maintain our homes."

"It's hard to imagine all quarians being as talented as you are," Shepard commented with a smile. Tali blushed at the compliment. She wasn't used to being praised; as an Admiral's daughter, the best was always expected of her, and she often fell short. "I was talking to Adams earlier today and he was really impressed your expertise. Hell, I was impressed."

Tali smiled at him, her tinted cheeks burning hotter. Adams had told her that she was good, but coming from Shepard, the compliment's value was tripled.

"You're a tech?" she asked.

"Eh," he said, waving a hand dismissively. "I'm okay."

He was just being modest, she realized with a grin. So very quarian.

"So! Your Pilgrimage. What's that all about?"

"It's a rite of passage into adulthood for quarians. Once we are of age, we leave our family and friends behind to wander the stars to find something of value to bring back. Upon our return, we join a new ship to promote genetic diversity. The Pilgrimage lets the community know that you won't be a burden."

"What kind of gifts do Pilgrims bring back?"

"Pilgrims return with something of value that can benefit the Flotilla. Many bring back salvage and parts to repair our older ships, or credits. Some even come back with used starships! One of the most impactful Pilgrimage gifts to date was the introduction of medi-gel to the Fleet."

"Wait," Shepard interrupted. "Shouldn't you be searching for a gift instead of helping us catch Saren?"

"Well… yes. But the Pilgrimage signifies a willingness to sacrifice ourselves for the greater good! I can't turn my back on this! And who knows… maybe I'll find a suitable gift along the way."

"What kind of gift are you looking for?"

"It should be… substantial," Tali began, shifting her weight from leg to leg. "A lot is expected of me. My father is on the Admiralty Board." Shepard gave her a confused look, so she explained the roles of the Admiralty Board and the Conclave in the quarian government.

"You're a quarian princess?"

"W-what? No! I'm not royalty! My father is just-" Tali realized that Shepard had that stupid grin on his face. Again. "Very funny, you _bosh'tet_."

He powered his omnitool and flicked to his translator, looking at it with a frown. "What…? I'm not even going to ask what that means."

They shared a laugh. Shepard seemed to be legitimately interested in her. Well, not _interested_ in _her_, but maybe fascinated with quarian culture?

"Anyways, there is one other thing I wanted to talk about," Shepard began, suddenly serious. "You said that your immune system is incredibly weak from living on sterile ships?" She nodded, unsure of what he was getting at.

"I know I've asked you before," he said, running a hand through his hair. "But are you sure that you want to come with us? It's extremely dangerous, especially for you. One suit puncture, and…"

He sighed. "You have a whole life ahead of you. I just want to make sure that you're committed, is all."

Tali looked down, blushing furiously. He cared for her… safety. _Like a good captain should_, she scolded herself. _Why is this such a big deal?_

"I, um… Don't worry Shepard. I can do it." She gave him a reassuring smile which he seemed to pick up, smiling back.

"Alright Tali. We've received a distress beacon from a colony called Zhu's Hope on Feros, so we'll be landing in a few hours. Something about geth. You coming with us?"

"Sure!" she exclaimed enthusiastically. "Always ready to blow up some geth!"

Shepard treated her to another face-melting smile. "Alright. Meet us at the airlock in two hours." He gave her a pat on the arm and turned to exit Engineering.

"Bye Shepard," she said to his retreating form. There was something about this man… _He's so nice to me. The least I can do is to work hard to repay him_.

* * *

The whole colony seemed… strange. No one would answer her questions, only redirect her to Fai Dan. The colonists moved in peculiar jerky motions, as if they didn't have full control of their bodies, or as if they were in extreme pain. Nothing made sense.

The geth attacking this place was also abnormal. Why would they target a little colony? Was it because of the Prothean ruins? Or was it something else?

Shepard waved the ground team over to the center of the colony. "Here's the plan. Ashley, Kaidan, Wrex, and I will check out the ExoGeni building. Tali and Garrus will stay here and help the colony with its issues." Everyone nodded their agreement and the two teams split up. She watched Shepard disappear into the tunnels, her gaze drawn to his rear. _What a great –_

"Hello." The turian's voice interrupted her rather… exotic thoughts. "We haven't met formally. I'm Garrus Vakarian." He held out a hand in the universal gesture of greeting. Tali accepted it meekly.

"I'm Tali."

"Well then…" Garrus said awkwardly. "Let's get to it."

Apparently, the colonists were having enough trouble for a whole day's work. They needed a water line fixed, power cells replaced, an alpha varren killed, and a geth communicator destroyed. Tali almost sighed; she was all too familiar with routine maintenance. Perhaps Shepard had left her behind to ease her into combat? No, he didn't seem like the type to look down on his team… Was it to forge a working relationship with Garrus? Maybe.

The duo walked through the tunnels. The air between them was awkward, strained. Tali had no idea what to say to him. When they first met in the Wards, he had given her a condescending look typical of C-Sec. He probably thought that she was just another quarian thief. What _could_ she say to him?

Sounds of dripping water and silence echoed through the dark walls, along with the soft thumps of their footsteps. Tali didn't know where they were going and neither did Garrus, it seemed. She just hoped that they would find what they needed soon, and that they wouldn't run into any geth. Or… maybe running into geth wouldn't be so bad.

The Prothean ruins they walked through were nothing short of amazing. Tali had always been interested in architecture, as the quarians didn't have the luxury of building. The structures were rather angular, supplemented by subtle curves. The whole place had an aura of mystery and power about it. The Protheans had to have been amazing engineers; this place was still standing after fifty thousand years!

Garrus raised a hand and they halted. The chittering of electronic garble emanated from doorway on their right. Geth. The two drew their weapons simultaneously; Tali slowly moved towards the door with her shotgun at the ready. She saw Garrus position himself on the other side of the doorway.

They rushed through the entrance, immediately opening fire on the geth. Tali dove behind cover and worked on her omnitool, quickly overloading a geth's shields, leaving it open for Garrus' sniper rifle. She vaulted from her cover and landed in a crouch, pointed her shotgun at a second unit and fired, leaving its torso a mangled section of metal. Garrus' rifle cracked again and the room was cleared.

Tali immediately began working on the water pipes at the left of the room, while Garrus leaned against the wall and watched. After the brief battle, the silence between them resumed. The quiet was almost unbearable for a social quarian. She opened her mouth to say something, anything, but Garrus beat her to it.

"Tali? May I ask you something?"

"Alright." she hesitantly responded. The tone of his voice told her that she wasn't going to like it.

"Do your people ever regret what they did?"

Her hands froze where they were, only to resume typing a second later. "I'm not sure what you mean," she responded cooly.

"The geth. You unleashed them onto the galaxy. I just hope your people are properly contrite."

She was up in a flash. "We didn't 'unleash' anything! They broke free and committed _genocide_ on my people! Now we're without a homeworld, discriminated against, and stuck in these _damn_ suits. So don't you DARE blame me for my ancestors' mistakes, you inconsiderate, stupid _bosh'tet_!"

Breathing heavily, Tali quickly finished the repairs and stormed off, leaving Garrus still leaning against the wall, mandibles fluttering in shock. The quarians had suffered far too much for their mistakes. They were possibly the most hated species in the galaxy on top of being biologically fragile and trapped in suits devoid of tactile sensations. He couldn't understand. No one could understand.

No one, except maybe Shepard.

Tali heard the telltale chittering of geth beyond the next door but didn't break her stride. She burst into the room with her shotgun already pumping rounds into the nearest geth. She dropped the gun as it overheated, drawing her pistol and putting a few rounds into an optical sensor before her shields shattered. Still not taking cover, she drained another geth's shields and fed them into her own. More pistol shots disabled the remaining geth.

Tali exhaled heavily. Never before had she been this angry. Her rather one-sided argument with Garrus had incited her into a rage. His ignorance was… unbearable. Now all she wanted to do was kill every geth she could find, every geth in the galaxy. It was their fault that she couldn't eat solid food or smell a flower… the reason why Shepard couldn't see her smile. The thought chilled her heart.

A Destroyer appeared at the door at the end of the room, breaking Tali's thoughts. It charged her with a wild ferocity, leveling its high powered shotgun at her thin frame. She raised her pistol and pulled the trigger. Nothing. Her finger spasmed frantically, but the result was the same. She quickly brought up her omnitool and overheated its shotgun, but it did little to stop the charge. The Destroyer slammed into her like a dreadnought and knocked her to the ground. It stood over her and raised its shotgun to use as a bludgeoning tool. It was crude, but would be very effective against her visor.

The Destroyer's optical sensor exploded with a crack, little bits of metal sprinkling the hard ground around her. She turned her head, half expecting to see Shepard saving her from certain death again.

It was Garrus, who rose from a crouch and stowed his sniper rifle on his back. He held out a hand and she took it, hoisting herself back up.

He could have just let her die. Wasn't he just a typical C-Sec officer, prone to racism like the rest of them? Didn't he _hate_ her for the geth? It didn't make sense.

"Listen," he began. "I… I was wrong. I was wrong about your people. And… I was wrong about you." He hung his head and slumped against the wall. Everything about his body language spoke of shame.

"It's okay," Tali said. It was strangely gratifying to see him apologize, and some part of her wanted to snap back, to rub it in. Most of her, though, felt bad. Though she had had her fair share of arguments, her only goal had been to prove a point, not to degrade others. His humiliation felt… wrong.

"No," he said, looking up. "It's not. The way the Council sold the story, it was all wrong. It's not fair."

He sighed, mandibles tight to his face. "The truth coming from a quarian is… a far cry from what I thought I knew. I'm sorry."

Though Tali wanted to stay mad at him, she couldn't help but to sympathize. "Like I said, it's alright."

Garrus' mandibles flickered in a small grin. "Thanks for understanding. Now come on, we have work to do."

"Lead on, Garrus."


	4. Chapter 4

**Sorry for the longer update this time. I'll try to keep them weekly.**

**Sheik: Thanks for the kind words.**

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**Review, favorite, follow, and all that. I live off that stuff.**

**Therum on deck. Enjoy everyone!**

* * *

"Hi Tali."

She had heard Shepard coming up behind her, but she didn't feel like turning around. Or saying hello. She didn't feel like doing anything. All she could do was bury herself in Engineering to try to work away her problems.

A hand tapped her shoulder. "Tali?"

She finally pivoted and faced him. "Oh, hello Shepard," she said in a flat voice. No matter how hard she tried, the old, bubbly quarian wouldn't return.

He frowned, his deep brown eyes concerned. "You okay?"

"I…" she looked away, swallowing. She didn't want to appear weak, but he truly cared about her well-being. She couldn't just act like nothing was wrong. Her hands met at her waist before she forced them apart.

"Shepard, I killed her," she whispered.

_Tali heard a primal growl behind her and she turned on her heels, quickly leveling her shotgun onto its source. It was a female colonist armed with a crowbar, charging at her with wild abandon._

_Tali hesitated, though her finger tightened on the trigger. There wasn't enough time to move aside. Engaging into a melee would be unwise, especially for quarian. Her mind flitted back and forth, wrought with indecision._

_The colonist was onto her, crowbar swinging at her helmet. Tali's finger compressed and dozens of shredder rounds pepper the colonist's chest. She flies backwards from the concussive force and lands in a crumpled heap in the dirt, blood pooling around her mangled body. Tali's body went numb as her brain registered the gravity of her actions. She shook her head and swallowed, forcing the lump back down her throat, and tried to ignore the dark pit forming in her stomach. Her team… Shepard needed her to stay strong._

"This is about… Zhu's Hope?" he asked hesitantly. He moved to lean against the console beside her, crossing his arms. They both stared straight ahead.

"Y-yes," she said. "But it won't affect my performance. My feelings won't affect the mission."

"Listen," Shepard began. "I won't force you to tell me, but I like to keep an open door policy with my crew. This is obviously bothering you. I just want to understand."

"It's just that… I just _killed_ her Shepard! She was innocent, and I pulled the trigger! Did she deserve to die?"

"You always feel this way after your first kill. The guilt, the anger, the questioning. It's… terrible." He turned his head to look at her. "But it wasn't your fault. As much as I hate to say it, she was expendable. You're not. It was you or her."

"I s-saw her coming. But I didn't think. I just… shot her."

Shepard ran a hand through his messy hair. "This is why I was reluctant to bring you. I've…" He sighed. "I've killed you."

Tali was confused. He killed her? "I'm still right here, Shepard."

"No, you... You'll never be the same. I wanted you to hold onto your innocence for a while longer. I was brought into the real world far too soon."

Tali stiffened. "I'm not a child, Shepard!"

"Yeah, I know. It's just… some strange notion I had. Never mind."

She noticed his intentionally vague reference to his past. She had never heard anything of his life before the military, or even his Alliance career. It seemed too intrusive to research him on the extranet, easy as it was. She didn't quite understand what he was insinuating, but she had to ask. "Do you… want me to leave?"

"No!" Shepard said, almost loudly. An outburst like that, small as it was, was uncharacteristic of him. Strange. "Hell, I want you to stay," he said more quietly. "But I'm not sure how you'll deal with this. It's just something you get used to. No amount of psychoanalysis or talking will make you feel better."

Tali almost felt elated that he wanted her to stay. It was almost like… _Stop that! _she scolded herself. Either way, the fact that he cared made her feel much better.

"Actually, Shepard, I'm starting to feel better already," she said, more life in her voice. He gave her a small smile. "Thanks for coming by."

"No problem. And for what it's worth, I'm sorry." With that, he pushed off the console and walked off soundlessly.

"Don't be," she whispered.

* * *

Tali sighed and slumped forward onto the mess table, the chin of her helmet clunking noisily on its surface. It was late. Very late. But she couldn't sleep.

The last few days had been full of excitement, which helped lull her into unconsciousness in her sleeper pod. Being attacked by assassins and fighting geth was exhilarating, if not terrifying. Not to mention talking to Shepard… The same symptoms occurred whenever he came down to Engineering to check on her.

His visits always made her feel welcome and comfortable aboard the Normandy. Tali only spoke to Shepard, Adams, and occasionally Garrus. Kaidan was also friendly, but they didn't converse often.

Shepard always had time to listen to her blab about the Flotilla, or listen to her problems. Even though she didn't feel too much better after his post-Feros visit, his comforting words were uplifting. He was so caring and kind. And handsome…

Tali bonked her helmet on the table again. It seemed that whenever her mind was left to roam, it always focused on Shepard. It was just some stupid dream. A dashing commander rescued her from death and whisked her away onto a warship and to a life of adventure. Of course she was subject to a few childish fantasies. _Hopefully, this will go away soon,_ she thought. She had a Pilgrimage to complete and her people to return to. Then she would never see him again.

As if her thoughts had summoned him, Shepard stepped noiselessly out of his cabin and into the mess, heading for the water dispenser. "Hi Tali," he greeted as he passed her.

"Hello Shepard." Her helmet still rested on the table, causing her voice to come out muffled.

Shepard returned with a glass of water and sat heavily in the chair opposite of her, crossing his fingers on the table. She sat up straight at his presence. "Is something wrong? Isn't this your sleep shift?"

"I-I.. uh… You're right. I'll just go back to my pod. Sorry." she stuttered out.

"Relax, I'm not criticizing you or anything," he said, taking a long drink. "Trouble sleeping?"

"Um, yes. It's just… too quiet. I don't know how you deal with it."

He raised his eyebrows. "Too quiet? To sleep?"

"Oh, I suppose that makes sense. On the Flotilla, the ships are all old, so the machinery and equipment are all noisy. Quiet means a dead engine, or a malfunctioning air filter."

He frowned. "Anything I can do to help?"

She beamed at him from behind her mask. He was always concerned over her well-being, something that made her feel special. Tali wasn't used to being bragged on or worried about, being an admiral's daughter. "No, it is something I'll get used to. Thank you though."

"So, um. Why are you awake, Shepard?" Inwardly, she scolded herself for questioning the captain, but deep down, she cared about his welfare.

"Thirsty," he said unconvincingly, taking another drink.

There was something about his eyes tonight. Underneath their soft, friendly exterior was something else. They were haunted, troubled, pained. Tali didn't ask, as curious as she was. It was probably personal. "Okay," she replied softly.

They sat in silence for a while. Suddenly, Shepard piped up. "Do you know what a combustion engine is?"

He wanted to talk tech. There was something… sexy about that. "Didn't civilizations use those many centuries ago?"

He chuckled. "Heh, humans actually used this technology until a few decades ago. Ever seen one?"

"No. Quarians have been using mass effect technology for a long time, Shepard!"

He smiled and stood, gesturing to his cabin. "Come on."

Tali blushed harder than she had in her life. Her hands fidgeted nonstop in her lap. "Uh… wow. " She couldn't look him in the eye. "_Keelah_, it's hot in here," she mumbled.

His smile widened and her fingers became an inextricable knot. "If you're uncomfortable, I can bring it out here."

She hastily stood up, knocking her chair over with a crash. Tali quickly righted it, ducking her head with embarrassment. "I-It's fine. I'll, um… Let's go."

* * *

Shepard's cabin was massive, by quarian standards. At least there weren't any couches; that would've driven her insane. He removed a large piece of machinery and an ancient toolkit from under his desk and sat on the floor. He patted the ground next to him.

Tali thought it was cute that Shepard acted so… ordinary, despite his fame and battle prowess. He never lorded his power over others, and all of the crew respected him for that. Unlike Adams and Pressley, he always wore a regular crew member uniform, reinforcing his ideology of equality. He was truly a remarkable leader.

"Tali?"

She'd been caught staring. Again. Blushing furiously, she sat quickly next to Shepard.

He pushed the machine and toolkit towards her. "Take a look."

They spent hours discussing the intricacies of ancient Earth tech. Tali was very curious about the mechanical aspects of engineering, as she only dealt with drive core power schemes and diagnostic algorithms, as well as hacking. Shepard was surprisingly knowledgeable in many aspects of the field. He pointed out that being well-versed meant being a more effective combat engineer.

Tali finally checked her chrono. "_Keelah_, I should go. Sorry for keeping you up." They both stood simultaneously.

"No problem, it was fun. We should do this again."

She took a moment to digest his comment. _He enjoys my company?_ "A-ah, well, thanks for teaching me all that." She shuffled a bit before continuing. "I don't understand why you brought me, seeing as you're the better tech."

"You remember those geth you hacked right before Zhu's Hope?" She nodded. "I was trying to hack the same one. Your codes are quite… intricate. What I'm trying to say is that you're the best tech on the team."

Tali's fingers intertwined at her waist. "Thank you, Shepard." she said quietly.

"Garrus is good too, but don't tell him that. His ego is big enough."

Tali giggled. "Thanks again." She stepped backwards through the door. "Good night."

"Oh, before you go," he called out. "Take this." He tossed her a small, flat device which she fumbled awkwardly with before catching it.

"N-no I can't take this." She stepped forward to give it back to him, but he gently held her hands together, smiling. She barely stifled a gasp at the contact. His touch was like the sun on her body. It was… amazing. She wondered how it would feel without the suit…

"Please, take it. Now get a good night's rest, Miss Zorah. Tomorrow, we're looking for an asari archaeologist."

"Ah, y-yes. Okay." She withdrew slowly from his gentle grip, savoring the touch. "Good night Shepard."

He just stood there, his heart-warming smile that last image Tali saw before the door closed.

* * *

Tali slowly walked towards her sleeper pod, examining the device. What could it be?

"Hey Tali."

She looked up to see Kaidan sitting at the mess table, just as she had a few hours ago. "Hello Kaidan."

"Can't sleep either?" he asked, standing to regard her.

"No, but I think I'm going to try again."

He gestured at the device. "What do you have there?" His tone wasn't malicious or apprehensive, only curious. Kaidan was another human who treated her fairly, unlike many others.

"Um, I don't know. Shepard just gave it to me."

He gave her an amused look. "So that was you? You just came out of Shepard's cabin?"

Tali's cheeks went torrid. "Yes, well, we were just… discussing… engines. I wasn't… I didn't mean to stay, but we were talking, and-"

"So, you and Shepard?" he interrupted with a grin.

"What? No! We were just-"

Kaidan chortled with laughter and clapped her on the shoulder. "Just messing with you Tali. Good night."

"Good night," she squeaked, quickly scurrying back to her sleeper pod and stepping inside. Powering her omni-tool, she scanned the object that Shepard had given to her. There weren't any anomalies, no mass effect fields or volatile chemicals. Not that there would be, anyway. Shepard was trustworthy.

Tali pressed the device's button on its widest face. A low, soft humming noise filled the sleeper pod as the object vibrated gently in her hand. A smile graced her lips as she fell asleep to the soothing sound and thoughts of her new Captain.


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey guys, sorry for the short delay. I was busy with graduation and grad parties. Expect chapters at a faster pace now that I'm free :)**

**Review, follow, favorite, the usual. Hope you enjoy!**

**Also, beta-readers.**

* * *

Tali checked over her shotgun, tightening the servo motors and lining up its sights. It was probably a pointless exercise, one that had been performed every day this week. Every morning, the ground team would suit up (easy for her), hop in the Mako, and land on a random planet in the Artemis Tau Cluster, hoping to find a Dr. Liara T'soni. The days mainly consisted of a monotonous drive along the surface. At least the Mako drops were exciting; she had almost strangled Wrex's arm on her first, much to his displeasure.

Besides Garrus and Kaidan, who were talking in hushed tones next to the mako, she was the only other person in the cargo bay. Even Wrex was unusually absent. Tali clipped her shotgun to the small of her back and holstered her pistol at his hip before walking over to them. They abruptly stopped their conversation and awkwardly turned to face her.

"Hello Garrus, Kaidan," she greeted apprehensively. They were obviously talking about her. "What were you two talking about?"

Garrus' mandibles twitched in a sly grin. "We were wondering when you-" Kaidan jabbed him hard with an elbow, and Garrus coughed loudly. "Ah, when you were going to come down."

"A-and you're here!" Kaidan added quickly. "You're usually late."

"What's going on?" Her eyes flitted between the two conspirators.

Garrus pointed at her shotgun in an attempt to change the subject. "Is that the new Savage? High accuracy, but not much damage. It's a good choice for your combat style."

Tali's eyes narrowed to slits. "Garrus?" He visibly gulped. "Would you like to see how accurate this shotgun _really_ is?" she asked quietly.

"Shepard!" Kaidan called loudly. "You're here!"

Shepard stepped out of the elevator flanked by Wrex and Ashley, a confused yet amused expression on his face. Tali involuntarily smiled at him, completely oblivious to Garrus and Kaidan sprinting away. "Hello Shepard," she chirped.

"Tali," he greeted. "Problems with Kaidan?"

"Hmmm?" she asked dreamily. Turning around, she realized that the two were gone. _Damn it, Kaidan_. "O-oh, sort of. Not really. It's mostly Garrus. How did you know?"

"I've known Kaidan a long time," he replied simply. With that, he motioned her towards the Mako and entered himself. Tali scrambled in after him and sat in the engineer's seat, next to the driver. She took a moment to glare at Garrus, who smirked back, before Shepard turned in his chair and spoke.

"I know this trip has been boring and a few of you think it's a waste of time. But I have a good feeling about this one!"

Wrex let out a humorless chuckle. "You said that last time, Shepard. I'm here to crack skulls, not babysit an asari."

Joker's voice came over the PA. "Thank you for flying Normandy Airways, ladies and gentlemen! The hangar doors are opening. Next stop: Therum."

* * *

"_Keelah_!" A rock next to Tali exploded under heavy plasma gunfire. They whole team was pinned down by a platoon of geth and an armature. The tank's siege pulse was the most dangerous; its radius and sheer power that vaporized boulders forced the team to change cover often. And they were running out of places to hide. The whole situation was terrifying.

"Hey, Commander!" Garrus called out over the gunfire.

"Yeah." Shepard's response was clipped as he worked on his omni-tool.

"Are you any good with that sniper on your back?"

"I'm okay… Got a reason for that question in the middle of a firefight?" he shouted back.

"I think we should have a little contest," he replied. "Loser buys drinks on the Citadel."

Tali was shocked at their flippant attitude of the situation. The armature had them on a fast clock; without sufficient cover, they would be cut down by the bipedal platforms.

"Actually, that sounds like fun," Shepard said. "Anyone else in?"

Wrex grinned. "Never thought a turian would think like a krogan." Kaidan and Ashley shook their heads vehemently, completely focused on taking out the geth. At least they had their priorities straight.

"Tali?"

"I don't drink!" she replied indignantly. "It's a waste of resources!"

Shepard gave her a wry grin. "Loser buys Tali flavored nutrient paste."

_Flavored_ nutrient paste? She had eaten meat-flavored paste once on a special occasion, and it was _amazing_.Tali cocked her shotgun menacingly, pointing it at Garrus. "You're buying my next meal on the Citadel, you _bosh'tet_."

* * *

The team was riding up the elevator back to the surface, checking their weapons and armor. Tension was in the air over the severity of the situation. A seismic event taking place while they were underground? That would be catastrophic, to say the least.

And there was Dr. Liara T'soni. No one knew if she was trustworthy; they subtly surrounded her, weapons ready. She seemed innocent enough, but that was the problem. A helpless asari maidan under attack by geth, and they arrived just in time to save her? The whole situation could have easily been manufactured by Saren in an effort to infiltrate the Normandy!

The lift came to a shuddering stop, causing its occupants to stumble. Shepard pointed towards the exit and motioned for the team to take cover. Seconds later, the towering krogan followed by a group of geth entered the elevator. The krogan's demeanor was overconfident and aggressive, a dangerous combination. This wasn't going to be an easy fight.

"Surrender. Or don't. That would be more fun."

"Damn it," Garrus muttered, looking up from his omni-tool.

"You can change your armor later, turian." The krogan kept his gaze on Shepard, who just stared blankly back.

"Actually," he drawled. "It's the results of-"

"Fuck this," Shepard muttered.

He opened fire on the geth platforms, the rest of the team popping out of cover and following suit. Wrex roared and charged at the battlemaster, their arms interlocking and bodies glowing with biotic power. Soon, all of the geth were disposed of, leaving the massive krogan to fight desperately for his life.

The battlemaster bellowed and released a massive biotic shockwave, knocking everyone to the floor. He unhooked his shotgun and aimed it at Wrex's head. Just before he fired, the krogan was hit with a powerful biotic throw from Liara, which smashed him into the wall. Shepard promptly unsheathed his knife and surged forward, sliding it between the krogan's forehead and plate and jerking upward with a grunt. The plate separated from his head and the battlemaster slumped forward into a pool of his own blood and brains.

"Let's go!" Shepard yelled.

As the team ran through the tunnels, bits of rock and rubble rained down upon their heads. Shepard brought up the rear, just behind Tali, to make sure everyone got out alive. Tali ran faster than she ever had in her life, her physiologically superior legs pumping hard. Sweat poured down her face and collected at the bottom of her helmet.

Tali felt a tremendous force hit the side of her helmet, and she tripped, pitching sideways. A pair of strong arms hooked around her shoulders and under her knees, then everything went black.

* * *

Tali awoke slowly to the intense heat of a volcano, a hard surface pressed against her side, and a relaxing voice calling her name. She stretched instinctively as she woke but struggled in a tight grip. Opening her eyes, she found herself staring into Shepard's concerned face, helmet against his chest.

Tali realized that she was being carried by Shepard as they walked from the volcano. His footsteps were level as to not wake her with a jarring stride. With her helmet against his chest, she could hear his heartbeat, strong and fast after physical exertion, through her audio pickups. His strong arms held her gently as he trailed behind the rest of the team.

She had never been touched this way, let alone carried, by another male. But here she was, curled up against the hugest crush in her life as he held her in his arms. The moment was exhilarating; she felt… _alive_. Her heart rate climbed as her cheeks flushed with both excitement and embarrassment.

Their eyes connected for a second and he let out a pent up breath, giving her a relieved smile. Tali's mind reeled, soul melted. As he pulled her a little closer and continued his walk, the emotions boiling in Tali's heart erupted, and she succumbed to unconsciousness again.

* * *

"Uuunghh…"

Tali woke to an intense pounding in her head. The bright lights above her head seared her eyes as soon as she opened them. The clinical white walls of the med bay weren't helping either.

"Time to wake up Tali," a motherly voice said. "How are you feeling?"

She turned her head slightly. "Doctor Chakwas… What happened?"

"You fainted. Running through those tunnels must have been quite the shock. Shepard told me that you woke up for a few seconds after going unconscious the first time."

"Ah…r-right." Memories of Shepard carrying her made her blush behind her visor.

"You seem fine enough. Mind if I send in a visitor?" Doctor Chakwas seemed amused.

Tali nodded and Doctor Chakwas unsealed the med bay door, revealing Shepard behind it. He entered and she exited, leaving her in the room alone with Shepard.

"Hey Tali," he greeted. "Feeling better?"

"Yes," she said quietly, ducking her head. "I'm feeling much better." Truth was, Shepard's presence brought her a sense of relief and security. Her headache didn't seem so bad now.

He gave her a small smile and she fidgeted under the sheets. "Good. I was… worried."

He was worried about her? Just how much did he care? No, he was concerned as a commanding officer, as a friend. That was all she could hope from him.

"The others are waiting for you for the debriefing." he continued. "Are you feeling well enough to go?"

"N-no, sorry Shepard. My head…"

He nodded. "I understand. Rest up." He reached out and squeezed her shoulder before turning to leave the med bay. Tali looked down at her hands, dozens of emotions running through her mind.

"Oh!" Shepard said, pivoting. "Garrus is buying you that nutrient paste. Something to look forward to." With that, he walked through the doors, leaving Tali alone with her thoughts.


	6. Chapter 6

**Sorry, it's been a while. This chapter was so difficult to write that I went through a band's entire discography for inspiration. Thus, I didn't edit it too much because I just wanted to get something out. Let me know if there are any grammar mistakes.**

**I also really appreciate all of my reviews/follows/favorites. Even if I don't respond, I read all of them. Thanks!**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

Tali spent the majority of her engineering shift alternating between running systems diagnostics and thinking about Liara. The asari seemed innocent enough, even helpful. She had saved the team back on Therum! Had she not disabled the krogan when she had, it was quite possible that the team wouldn't have been able to escape the ruins in time. Either she genuinely had nothing to do with Matriarch Benezia or Saren, or her act was a truly masterful one. The thought of a powerful biotic infiltrating the Normandy had unpleasant implications. Shepard seemed to trust Liara enough, and wasn't he an excellent judge of character? Tali made a mental note to speak with him later.

The thought of talking to Shepard sent shivers down her spine. If she were talking with anyone else, she would be confident and assertive. But Shepard… he reduced her to a stammering teenager with just a smile or light touch.

Tali sighed heavily. Her thoughts of Shepard were just a fantasy, one that would hopefully go away soon. He was handsome, intelligent, brave, and kind. What woman wouldn't have a little crush on him, childish as it was? There was something about him though… The way his eyes guarded his inner emotions, the way he walked… Quarians are all adept at reading body language, having been stuck in suits for their whole lives. Tali could tell that Shepard was troubled, even though his exterior betrayed little sign of it.

"Tali? You alright over there?" Engineer Adams' voice interrupted her reverie.

"Yes," she replied, quickly continuing her typing. "Just running some more diagnostics."

He chuckled. "You've been running the same test for two hours. Go get some rest. You deserve it."

* * *

Tali wandered over to the mess table. Practically ejected from Engineering, she had nothing to do. Hopefully, there was someone to talk to. She found Garrus and Wrex talking animatedly about something.

"-and versatility make sniper rifles better," Garrus was saying. "A good sniper could hold a defensible position for days."

"Or you could destroy all of your enemies in an hour."

Garrus opened his mouth to retort, but saw Tali walking over. "Tali!" he called out. "Maybe you can settle this debate. Which do you prefer: shotguns or sniper rifles?"

"Shotguns…? I need to get into close range to hack things," she replied.

"What are you guys talking about?" Tali turned to see Kaidan, Ashley, and a meek Liara stepping from the elevator.

"Shotguns or sniper rifles?" Garrus asked again.

"I like killing without taking a single hit," Ashley replied. "Snipers for me."

Kaidan shrugged and looked over at Liara. "Don't ask us. Biotics don't receive too much weapons training." Liara nodded vigorously.

"Interesting conversation…" came a voice behind Tali, almost causing her to jump out of her suit.

"_Keelah_!" she yelped, dancing her way behind Wrex. Shepard only chuckled.

"Moment of truth," Garrus began. "Shepard, shotguns or sniper rifles?"

"Shotguns," he replied immediately. "Nothing like getting up close."

Wrex rumbled with laughter and clapped Shepard on the shoulder. "Always knew there was a krogan in you, even if you sneak around like a-"

"Wait, wait," Garrus interrupted. "I haven't ever seen you carry a shotgun."

"I use a cloak, Garrus. People usually use cloaks to close the distance, not to snipe. I use a sniper rifled because it's strategically relevant to the team."

"Huh." Garrus reluctantly slid a credit chit to Wrex, who somehow made it disappear within his armor.

"By the way, who won that contest back on Therum?" Tali asked.

Garrus heavily exhaled and brought up his omni-tool. "You won with thirteen and Wrex and Shepard tied at eleven."

Wrex grinned at Tali, who couldn't tell if it was a smile or a grimace. "I'm starting to like you, quarian."

"What about you, Garrus?"

"Seven," he muttered. "Damn kill-stealing combat drone…"

Tali shrugged nonchalantly. "I _did_ say that you were buying my next meal on the Citadel."

* * *

Tali held the tube of meat-flavored nutrient paste reverently when Garrus handed it to her, wrapping it carefully in a cloth and tucking it into a pocket. Having eaten the same meal for all her life, she was literally ecstatic to try it. A food that _tasted_ like something, anything, boggled her mind.

"I'm going to visit some of my C-sec buddies. See you both back onboard." With that, Garrus left Shepard and Tali at the Wards. Alone. How did this always happen?

"So… what now?"

"Requisition shopping," he replied cheerfully. "I should warn you, this might get a little boring."

Tali fought back a giggle. She had recently watched some old Earth vids in which males took their girlfriends shopping. Though they were looking for combat merchandise, and a relationship between the two was virtually impossible, the thought of Shepard as her boyfriend was fun to imagine.

"Sounds like fun!"

* * *

Tali browsed through the inventory of omni-tools while Shepard put it a requisition order. The selection here had much more advanced technology than any other store in the Citadel. She used an old Bluewire model herself, heavily modified to squeeze out every bit of processing power and shield boosting capabilities. Quarians didn't have enough credits to afford new… well, anything. Even if they could, quarians would never be let into shops like this one. Shepard was only able to get her in after flashing his Spectre status.

Shepard managed to sneak up on her again while she was busy drooling over the Logic Arrest models. "See something you like?"

This time, she didn't jump. "Um…" she said, looking longingly at the omni-tool specs. "No."

"I noticed that in your upgrades recommendations, you stated that you didn't need a new omni-tool."

"My omni-tool is fine," she said, far too casually to be believable. "I don't _need_ one."

"Come on Tali, everyone knows that Bluewires are a last resort. You can forget about those Logic Arrests," he scoffed, tossing her a box.

She deftly caught it and turned it over to read its label. "Shepard, this is a Savant! How much did this… There's no way I can accept this!"

"Too late!" he said with a smirk. "Besides, you're our tech expert. You deserve the best of the best. Truthfully, do you think you can perform better with a better omni-tool?"

Tali sighed and bowed her head, conceding to his superior argument. "Shepard… Thank you." she mumbled. "You saved my life, let me join your crew, replaced my shotgun and omni-tool… I don't know how I can repay you."

"How about keeping me company for the rest of the day?"

She beamed up at him behind her visor. It was hardly an equivalent trade for all the things he had done for her, but she wanted nothing more. "Sure!"

* * *

The day had been blissfully peaceful, Tali thought as they sat on a bench in the Presidium. In between visiting stores, the two had talked about tech, the mission, and the Flotilla. Apparently, Shepard enjoyed listening to her ramble on about her people and the Flotilla. And, truth be told, she enjoyed telling him about these things. No one else would sit and listen carefully to what she had to say. It made her feel… special.

"Hey guys," Tali looked up to see Kaidan standing over them. "Where's everyone else?"

"They should be here soon," Shepard said. He raised his arms and stretched on the bench. Tali made a conscious effort not to stare at him in front of Kaidan.

"Are we having a meeting?" Tali was decidedly confused. She hadn't been informed of any gathering for the crew. And why were they meeting outside of the Normandy?

Shepard merely nodded. After a few minutes of waiting, Garrus and Wrex also showed up. They looked just as confused as she was, but didn't question the purpose of the meeting. Shepard leaned forward on the bench. "I called you here today because of Liara." He took a deep breath. "I don't trust her." he said bluntly. "She seems innocent enough, but until we can be sure, I want you all to keep an eye on her."

"Where's the other human? Williams." Wrex interrupted.

"She doesn't trust any non-Alliance personnel as is," Shepard replied. "I don't want her getting overly suspicious about this."

"She seems alright," Kaidan said. "A little naïve and awkward, if anything."

Shepard shrugged. "You never know. If that's all, then you're dismissed. Remember that shore leave ends tonight."

Everyone said their goodbyes and left for their respective destinations, leaving Shepard and Tali still sitting on the bench.

"Got anywhere else to go, Tali?"

"Um…" Unless she wanted to visit the turian shelter, there was nowhere on the Citadel that would be welcome to her presence. "I think I'll head back to the Normandy."

"I guess I'll go too," he grumbled. "I _love_ paperwork."

She giggled and they began to walk towards the C-Sec offices, where an elevator would take them back to the docking bay. They strolled in thoughtful silence, still thinking about the issue of Liara.

"Shepard? Do you really need Liara aboard?"

"Well," he said, reaching down to put his hands in his pockets. "A powerful biotic would be a nice addition to the team. But to answer your question, no."

"Then why did you let her join the crew? You don't know if she's trustworthy!"

He gave her a small smile. "If I recall, that's how I befriended a certain quarian girl."

She looked down, blushing. He considered her a friend! Until now, she thought that the feeling was one-sided, that she was merely a crew member. The fact warmed her heart. Shepard was likely the first friend she had ever made.

His comment also gave her another perspective on the situation. Her situation was much like Liara's. Shepard took a risk and brought her aboard, a decision that allowed her to be a part of this adventure. Shepard had probably influenced her life more than anyone else. Who was she to question Liara's position?

"I guess you're right. But did you ask people to keep an eye on me?" she asked jokingly.

Shepard laughed. "You gave me that data on Saren! I didn't think you needed watching."

They said their goodbyes at the elevator, with Shepard heading to his cabin and Tali to Engineering. But instead of working on her console, she sat and leaned against the bulkhead next to the drive core. She needed time to think.

Shepard's insight and compassion on the situation was remarkable. While he was wary of Liara, he didn't want to cause an incident or make her feel unwelcome. He struck a balance between caution and trust. What an impressive Captain! A man she would gladly serve under after her Pilgrimage was finished. If only that could be possible…

Her time on the Normandy had been the best weeks of her life. She was able to work on a highly advanced drive core and make new friends, experiences entirely new to her. Her Pilgrimage brought her newfound freedoms despite the danger; she could live her life without the influence of her father. That man… he single-handedly made her life on the Flotilla horrible. Not once had she been able to earn his approval, so she tried harder and harder to appease him. Tali wondered if she ever could.

On a whim, Tali powered her omni-tool and began writing a message, sending it off with slight hesitation.

_To: Admiral Rael'Zorah vas Rayya_

_From: Tali'Zorah nar Rayya_

_Hello Father,_

_I hope this message finds you well. I just wanted to keep you up to date on my Pilgrimage._

_I am currently serving on an experimental Alliance vessel commanded by a human Spectre named Shepard. The drive core is twice as big as any on the Flotilla! The work we do is extremely important for the galaxy, as we are hunting the rogue turian Spectre Saren. Needless to say, I'm very excited! This message will have to be short; I have lots of work to do. I just wanted to let you know that I'm doing fine._

_Love,_

_Tali_


	7. Chapter 7

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"This is an unscheduled arrival; I'll need your credentials."

"My name is Shepard; I'm a Spectre and a Commander with the Systems Alliance."

Tali secretly hoped that he would state his full name. Aliens were strange; they only had two parts to their names. How would others know where they came from? That aside, she was curious to know Shepard's first name.

"Huh," said the human security officer. "Also, weapons are not permitted in Noveria. Sergeant Stirling, please secure their weapons."

In a fluid motion, the team simultaneously drew their weapons and pointed them at officers, who responded in kind. Tali was surprised that she hadn't hesitated to pull out her shotgun. _Maybe I've been spending too much time with these people._

"Back off." Wrex growled.

"They're just doing their jobs," Garrus said. "No sense in shooting them."

Shepard just stared ahead, a dangerous glint in his eyes. "I'm not giving up my gun."

Tali tightened her grip on her shotgun. The tension in the air was suffocating. Any moment now…

"Captain Matsuo, stand down! Spectres are authorized to carry firearms in Noveria."

The security team immediately holstered their pistols. "I hope your visit will be less confrontational, Spectre," said Matsuo. Stirling shot Tali a dirty look before heading back inside with her superior. _What was that about?_

* * *

"Alright," Shepard said. They were all gathered in the middle of the courtyard. "Wrex, Ash, and I will have a talk with this Anoleis. Hopefully we'll find out where Benezia is." At the mention of her mother, Liara flinched slightly. Tali felt sorry for her; she was brought along on a mission where they might have to kill her mother. "The rest of you can… go shopping or something." With that, the team parted ways.

"Shop?" Kaidan asked, amused.

"I don't… shop." Tali said. It was true. Aside from looking at mission-related equipment with Shepard, she had never gone into any stores, even on the Citadel.

"I think I need some armor upgrades. Fighting in a lab coat isn't ideal." Liara said serenely.

Garrus looked at Kaidan, then Tali. Sighing, he turned to Liara. "I guess I'll tag along. Might need a more expensive visor anyways."

"Good thing he volunteered," Kaidan mused as they walked away. "He's more perceptive than the both of us. That's C-Sec for you."

Tali stood there awkwardly. Kaidan was a nice man, always considerate and calm, unlike Ashley. But she hadn't talked to him other than simple greetings. Unless she said something quickly, this conversation would become very strained. "So… how long have you known Shepard?"

"Hmm. Quite a while, actually. I'm a few years older than he is, but we both met in basic. We're both from Earth."

Tali was surprised. Here, she knew nothing about Shepard, and yet Kaidan was volunteering information about him! She felt that she was prying into his personal life, but he was so… mysterious. He always helped others with their problems, but she knew that deep inside, he was pained. What harm would come from knowing about his past? "What part of Earth are you from?"

"Vancouver. It's in Canada, but I doubt you know what that is."

"So Shepard is from the same city?"

"Ah… no. Listen," Kaidan said seriously. "If you want to know, you should ask him yourself. His past is very personal to him."

"Oh." Though she was disappointed, Tali now thought that maybe his childhood on Earth was why he was troubled. "Is basic where you learned how to use biotics?"

He laughed darkly. "No, I was 'trained' in BAat. Biotic Acclimation and Temperance."

"Could you tell me about it?" she asked eagerly. "Quarian biotics are extremely rare."

He tilted his head in comtemplation and finally sighed. "Alright," he said reluctantly. He told her of questionable exposures to element zero, Jump Zero, and Commander Vyrnnus. Of a beautiful, gentle, and smart girl named Rahna.

Tali was close to tears after he finished. "Oh, Kaidan, I'm so sorry. I-I shouldn't have-"

"It's okay," he said comfortingly. "Don't cry. It's all in the past now, and I've come to accept it."

She sniffled and blinked a few times to clear her watering eyes. "Thank you for telling me that, Kaidan. It means a lot to me."

"It feels good to tell someone once in a while," he said. He opened his mouth to talk again, but a low, monotone voice spoke first.

"Nervously excited: Would you like to see my place?"

Tali looked at Kaidan, who had turned his face into his shoulder, and the elcor who had just approached them. "Are you talking to me?"

"Of course, Miss quarian."

"I… uh…" She looked to Kaidan for help, but he had turned his back, shoulders shaking with mirth. Tali just said the first thing that came to mind. "I, um… have a boyfriend…"

"Surprised, yet determined: We can make it back before he notices."

"No thank you. Please leave me alone." she said. Now, Tali was a little scared for her safety.

"Slightly offended: It will be fun, I promise. We can eat dinner later."

Kaidan spun around, suddenly serious. He glowed with biotic power and stalked over, staring eye-to-eye with the massive elcor. "That's enough, big guy."

The elcor looked at Kaidan for a moment, then turned, slowly lumbering away. Tali sank into a nearby chair. "Thanks Kaidan," she breathed.

"No problem. That was pretty funny though. I've never seen _anyone_ get hit on by an elcor." he replied.

"Lucky me," she grumbled. "Just don't tell Garrus. I'll never hear the end of this if you do."

"No promises," he grinned. "So, you don't like elcor?"

"No..."

"But you like humans?"

"What? No!" she sputtered. "I just... Why are we talking about this?"

Kaidan took a seat across from her. "Well, you seem to stare at Shepard quite a bit."

Tali looked down at her hands, which her dancing together on her lap. There was no point in denying it.

"Do you have a little crush on Commander Shepard?" Kaidan teased.

"Just a little one," she mumbled. "It doesn't mean anything. Nothing will ever happen."

"You never know," he said mysteriously.

* * *

"If it isn't Shepard and his little gang," Stirling sneered. "Do you know what they do to cop killers on my world?"

Garrus laughed mirthlessly. "You call yourselves cops? More like mercs, you fucking disgrace."

Tali had never seen Garrus so worked up. _He probably takes his job very seriously._ "You're working for bribe money. Do you really expect us to feel bad for stopping you?"

Stirling's eyes flashed with anger. "Shut up, suit-rat!"

Tali staggered back, as if struck. It had been so long since someone had treated her as a lesser species. On the Normandy, Shepard made sure that everyone was equal. She had been so sheltered for the past few weeks that she was totally unprepared for the retort.

In an instant, Shepard's knife left his hand and buried itself in Stirling's stomach. She keeled over on all fours and coughed violently, red blood splattering over the cool gray rug. Shepard glared at the remaining humans behind Stirling, who were visibly frightened. "Get out of here," he snarled.

As they ran, he viciously kicked Stirling onto her back and unceremoniously yanked out his blade. "Looks like you got blood on Qui'in's carpet," he said coldly. He turned to the rest of the team. "Let's go."

* * *

"Damned Mako."

Despite Tali's best efforts, the run-down tank taken from the garage had broken down a couple hundred yards from Peak 15. Now, they were slowly trudging through the raging blizzard. Wrex brought up the front, clearing a path through the knee-deep snow.

Tali faintly registered a chill through her suit, despite the temperature-regulating software struggling against the cold. The storm was beautiful. Torrents of minuscule flakes rained down from the clouded skies, draping themselves in blankets over the looming mountains. The Pilgrimage had shown her everything she was missing back on the Flotilla: advanced equipment, real friends… and now, the majesty of a pure white landscape.

She stopped and reached down, scooping up a handful of snow. The fine powder sifted through her fingers and swirled away with a gust of wind. Tali crouched down and cupped more snow into her hands. What she would give to feel the cold on her skin, the tiny flakes brushing against her body!

"Tali?"

She looked up to see Shepard walking slowly towards her, his eyes a vibrant brown. "Sorry, I just-"

"It's okay," he said, kneeling down next to her. "Never seen snow before?"

"No," she replied. "It's amazing. Back on the Flotilla, I…" He looked at her expectantly. "Um… shouldn't we be…?"

Shepard chuckled lightly. "They probably haven't noticed yet. Let's just sit here a while."

She beamed at him from behind her visor, and somehow he knew, giving her a warm smile in return. As they sat there, crouched in the snow in the midst of a blizzard, smiling at each other, Tali felt a profound happiness unlike anything she had experienced before.


	8. Chapter 8

**It's been almost two weeks, huh? Sorry about that.**

**I want to take the opportunity to reply to some of the reviews from last chapter:**

**kill-phil/subsider34: You two had differing opinions about the ending. I actually had that idea since I began writing this story, but I admit to writing it badly. I'll probably go back and fix it later; thanks for the feedback!**

**xsvlp39: The transitions are jumpy because that's how the story is. This isn't a full Mass Effect redux. Thanks for the comment, nonetheless.**

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* * *

It was late. Very late. Tali was staying up in Engineering to run more diagnostic tests. Work was never finished, it seemed; not that she had a problem with that. She pressed the final key and leaned against the bulkhead, sliding along its length until she was sitting on the floor with her knees to her chest. The next test would take a few more hours at least, so she had some time to kill. Tali powered up her new omni-tool to transfer her files and tweak the systems. She flipped through her list of programs and messages, deleting superfluous items and sending the rest to the Savant. While checking her extranet account, she was surprised to see a new message from her father. Usually, his replies would come back after a long delay; he was a busy man, after all.

Tali paused before opening it. She didn't quite know what to expect. Would he be happy? Proud? Disappointed? Angry?

_From: Admiral Rael'Zorah vas Rayya_

_To: Tali'Zorah nar Rayya_

_Tali,_

_A human ship is no place for a quarian on Pilgrimage. Saren isn't a problem for us; let the rest of the galaxy take care of him. You need to worry about your own people first. How do you expect to find anything useful? Much is expected of you, so take your Pilgrimage seriously._

_Cordially,_

_Admiral Zorah_

Tali read through the message a second time, her eyes wide with disbelief. How could he disregard all of the good she was doing for the galaxy? Saren was a problem for everyone, including the quarians. What a narrow-minded _bosh'tet_!

But why was she expecting approval from this man? How could she? Everything she had done, even the spectacular, hadn't earned a single word of acceptance or pride.

Then, Tali realized that she would never be good enough. Here she was, saving the galaxy from a rogue Spectre, an army of geth, and a fleet of sentient warships, but all he could express was disappointment. Even now, there was a strong disconnect between them; 'cordial' was all he could be with her. He would never, could never, be the father she always wanted.

Tali hunched over her legs as her body began to shake with sorrow. Tears streamed down her face and collected at the bottom of her helmet, only to be siphoned off seconds later. Her sobs echoed throughout the room, as she didn't bother to turn off her vocal emitters since it was so late at night.

After a few minutes, the door to Engineering slid open and a tall figure stepped through. It was Shepard.

Tali quickly stood and suppressed her crying. The last thing she wanted was to appear weak.

"H-hello Shepard." Her voice trembled with the effort of containing her tears.

"Tali? Is everything alright down here?"

_Please leave_. "I'm f-fine"

Shepard looked at her suspiciously, yet with concern. "…Still can't sleep?"

"I just-" A choked sob escaped from her mouth. She couldn't help herself; the tears began flowing again.

Shepard looked quite confused, but tentatively opened his arms in offering. She accepted immediately, clenching balls of his shirt into her fists and crying into his shoulder. He comfortingly wrapped his arms around her. His presence was soothing and helped her deal with the pain of her father's rejection.

Tali quickly stepped away from Shepard after a few more minutes of crying. "Oh _keelah_, I didn't mean to…" Despite herself, she enjoyed the comfort and excitement of being in Shepard's arms, even if the moment wasn't romantic.

He gave her a warm smile. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Tali ducked her head shyly. "I'd like that."

Shepard sat down and leaned against the bulkhead, just like she had before. He reached up and took her hand, tugging gently, encouraging her to sit next to him. He didn't release her hand, which was fine with her.

"I, um, sent a message to my father. The Admiral, remember?"

"The one who expects a lot from your Pilgrimage, right?"

"Right. He, uh…" Tali didn't quite know where to start. She laughed nervously. "Sorry, I've never told anyone about my life before."

He gave her a sympathetic smile that made her face go torrid. It was like he was intentionally doing these things to encourage her to talk. His actions cut off most coherent thought.

"My father was always demanding. I had an unusual upbringing because of him. He always expected me to be the best, whether it was playing with the other children or studying in class. I always fell short of his expectations. I also never had any friends. Everyone grew to resent me as the Admiral's arrogant daughter."

"You know that's not true," Shepard interjected. "You're the most humble person I know."

Tali smiled weakly at his comment, something he could usually pick up. "My mother was there for me when my father wasn't. Her love always tempered his aspirations for me. She-" Tali choked a bit, but Shepard squeezed her hand to urge her on. "She died when I was seventeen. To an airborne virus. My mother was kind and always listened to what I had to say. She was the only one that talked to me every day and I told her everything. She understood me. It wasn't fair…"

"I'm sorry…" Shepard said.

"Thanks. After her passing, my father pushed me even harder. We grew further and further apart. I worked and worked to please him, but he was never satisfied. I was so lonely… My Auntie Raan helped a little, but no one could replace my mother."

"What about the message?" Shepard asked?

"I told him about our mission to capture Saren. Vaguely, of course."

"And?"

"He was disappointed. He said it was not a quarian matter and that I had no business meddling in galatic affairs. That I should go on to complete my Pilgrimage by finding an extraordinary gift." Tali felt rage boil within her again. "This is _so_ typical of him. What was I expecting? I'm out here, helping save the galaxy, doing what no quarian has done before, and he disapproves. He always disapproves! Why could he say 'I'm proud of you' or 'Good job'? All I ever wanted was his love!"

As she approached the end of her rant, her voice grew increasingly more bitter and resentful. Even Shepard seemed somewhat shocked at her uncharacteristic tone.

"Sometimes," he said quietly. "The galaxy gives more hardship than one deserves." He looked over at her and smiled wearily. "And you didn't deserve any of that."

He released her hand and reached out to the bottom of her helmet, lifting her head to look at him. Tali gasped loudly and jerked away.

"Shit… sorry! Did I break a quarian taboo or something?"

"Um… touching underneath the veil is very, um… intimate…" she mumbled. The parts of quarian suits around the neck are rather thin compared to other sections, as to leave neck movement unrestricted. Touching there was the closest quarians could get to physical contact. She could feel a bit of Shepard's body heat from where he touched her briefly.

"I didn't mean to offend you," he offered apologetically.

"It's okay," she said, still blushing furiously. "I, ah… I didn't mind."

Shepard still looked quite sheepish. It was cute, to be honest. "Anyways, what I wanted to say was… I'm proud of you, Tali. Damn proud. The work you've put into this mission has been exceptional and any Captain would be honored to call you his crew. You're humble, compassionate, and kind. So if your father thinks that you're inadequate… he can go to hell."

This was high praise. Tali loved hearing it; no one had complimented her so profusely before. It was as if she craved, needed to hear that. "Shepard… thank you. What you said… it means a lot to me."

"It's all true," he said with conviction. "You are your own person."

"I always wondered when I was going to start living for myself."

"Right now," he said immediately.

Tali shook her head. "It's never that easy, but I'll try. Thank you, Shepard. For listening."

She paused for a moment. Now would be the perfect time to ask Shepard about his past, given the current mood. "Do you have any stories regarding your father?"

He instantly tensed up, but relaxed just as quickly.

"I mean, if you don't want to…" she added. "It's okay if-"

He cut her off politely with a raised hand. "I suppose it's only fair," he said lightheartedly.

Shepard sighed and raked his fingers through his hair. "Where should I begin? I was born and raised on Earth, the human homeworld. Don't ask me where though. It was a cold city, with skyscrapers that touched the clouds and streets so dirty that you could barely see the pavement."

"Now to answer your question about my father: I didn't have one. No mother either. I think they raised me until I could walk and threw me out on the streets, but I don't have any memories of them."

The concept of parents abandoning their children was completely foreign to Tali. "Oh, Shepard, I'm sorry… I can't even imagine what that could have been like."

"I guess the quarians are special in that sense," he said with a rueful smile. "Your whole species is one big family, always ready to take care of one another." He shrugged casually. "Maybe I'm a little jealous."

"How did you survive?" Tali asked, pressing him for more information.

"Some members of a street gang found me and took me in. They gave me food and taught me how to take care of myself."

"Gang?" Tali had never heard that word before. Perhaps it was a human expression?

"Oh. They're a family of sorts too, I suppose. We stole from stores and trafficked drugs. We did… bad things. Killed people."

"_Keelah_," she whispered. The thought of Shepard doing something terrible like underworld crime was unfathomable. He seemed so infallible and just.

His voice shook with rare strong emotion when he spoke again. "I didn't want to do it… I didn't want to…"

She gently rested a small hand on his elbow. "You did what you had to, Shepard. It was the only way to survive."

A hoarse chuckle escaped his mouth. "Right. The correct path isn't always the most righteous. But that doesn't make me feel any better about it."

It was a strange privilege to see Shepard's soft interior, to find out what made him the amazing Commander Shepard. Normally, he would show a calm, yet friendly exterior; impenetrable. But now, he looked so… normal.

"As soon as I was eighteen, I signed up for the Alliance. It got me off Earth and I've been with them since. And… that's my story." Shepard looked like he wanted to say something else, but she wouldn't pry for any more.

"Kaidan said that you two met in basic."

"Yeah, we go way back. He never got too good at tech though…" They shared a laugh. Kaidan could barely keep up with Garrus the way things were.

"Oh, Tali, I've been meaning to ask you. What do you plan to do for your Pilgrimage?"

"Well…" She hadn't thought about it much. All of the excitement and adventure had made up for her lack of progress. "I was hoping to find something along the way. We are fighting an army of geth, after all."

Shepard nodded, seemingly satisfied with the answer, and stood. "I have lots of things to do, so I have to cut this short. Night, Tali."

Just then, her omni-tool beeped; the diagnostic test had just finished. "Short? Shepard, it's been a few hours!"

He flashed her a wry grin. "You know what I mean. Night."

"Good night," she echoed, as he turned and left the room. Tali looked around Engineering. _I guess I'll sleep here tonight_.

She removed a device from one of her pockets and set it on the floor. As a quiet humming filled her audio pickups, Tali settled back against the bulkhead, trying to make herself comfortable.

"Just a crush," she muttered, as she drifted off to sleep.


	9. Chapter 9

**Sorry about the delay again! I have to register for classes and dorms and roommates and all of that stuff first.**

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* * *

Tali entered the mess hall with a yawn. She had just covered a little less than three full shifts in Engineering at Adams' request, so to say she needed a break was a severe understatement. As she rounded the corner of the elevator, she overheard the end of a conversation.

"I understand. We'll head over first thing tomorrow."

"Thanks Shepard," said a flanged voice. "It means a lot to me."

She turned the corner and collided with a solid wall of N7 operative. He quickly gripped her shoulders with both hands to steady her. Tali flushed in both embarrassment and excitement; while slamming into Shepard wasn't very smooth, the pressure of his hands was thrilling. "O-oh, sorry Shepard."

He smiled warmly at her. "Not a problem. See you around, Tali." As if he just realized that he was holding her for the whole time, he jerked his hands from her shoulders and walked up the stairs to his cabin.

She meandered over to the mess table, where Garrus was sitting quietly. "Hello Garrus."

"Tali," he replied. "Got a minute?"

She slid gracefully into the chair across from him. "If this is about the elcor again, I'm going to-"

"What is justice?"

Garrus' head was bowed as he stared pensively at the tabletop. He was slumped into his chair and his arms were crossed over his armor. This was an entirely different Garrus. More serious.

"I suppose…" Tali had never been asked such a question before. She was largely unsure how to respond. "Fairness? Doing what is right by the law?"

"That's what I thought at first too," he said, rubbing his face. "But then I realized I'm just a bad turian."

"Bad turian?"

"Good turians follow orders and stick to the rules, no matter how messed up they are. I almost got kicked out from the turian military because of that. C-Sec wasn't much better."

"But what does this have to do with justice?"

"Don't you think that following the rules hinders justice? A dangerous person should be taken out, no matter what the cost."

Tali was shocked. "Garrus! Risking innocent lives just to kill a criminal is wrong!"

"Let's see…" Garrus placed his hands on the table, talons clicking on its surface. "A murderer escapes the Citadel on a ship, along with a handful of civilians. Either way, those people are dead. Do you shoot?"

Tali sighed. He had a point, no matter how disgusted it made her feel. "I think I see what you mean. But still, the rules are there for a reason."

"Another example." The tapping of talons on the tabletop increased in frequency. "Say, we somehow manage to capture Saren without breaking any rules. No endangering innocents, no chemical warfare, no killing the suspect. Unlikely, right? We take him back to the Citadel for a proper trial. Who's to say that he won't manage to escape? Saren is has many contacts and incredible skill. Or, what if the Council decides to protect him to prevent a galactic scandal?"

He rapped his hands on the table with finality. "We'd be better off killing him."

"I don't know…" Tali was definitely unsure about this topic; Garrus' arguments were quite compelling. He had obviously given this a fair amount of thought. "Maybe you should become a Spectre once this is all over," she suggested. It wasn't a bad idea. Garrus, despite his dismal scores in their contests, was a deadeye with a sniper rifle and a quickly blooming leader, respected even amongst the Normandy crew.

"You know, I was once a Spectre candidate, one out of a thousand from the turian military. My dad talked me out of it; he hates people who can dance around the rules. I bet his mandibles fell off when he found out that I quit C-Sec."

"Parents," she groaned.

Garrus laughed, quickly reverting back to his old self. "No doubt your old man would loooove your new human boyfriend."

"I… what? We're not-" she stammered. "You're changing the subject."

"Come on, Tali," said Kaidan, who suddenly took a seat next to her. "When are you going to tell him already?"

"I-I don't… there's nothing to tell," she muttered.

Garrus smirked, tapping his visor. "I'm a detective, Miss Zorah. Nothing escapes me."

Kaidan looked at Garrus with a teasing grin. "Remember when the Commander carried her back from Therum?"

"Oh right! I took a vid, just in case. It was quite romantic."

"Oh _keelah_…" Tali's fingers intertwined on her lap.

"You always stare at him and cling onto his every word," Kaidan added kindly. "Bottling up your feelings is never a good thing."

She sighed resignedly. They obviously knew. "I've seen the way Liara and Ashley look at him. Why would he pick the girl in the suit?"

It was true; those two relished any opportunity for physical contact with Shepard and flirted with him as much as possible. As much as she hated to admit it, it made her quite jealous. How could it not? Shepard was like a dream…

They both seemed rather nonplussed. What counterargument could they possibly give?

"You're a nice girl, Tali," Kaidan said finally. "He'd be lucky to have you."

"True," Garrus said. Surprisingly, there was no mirthful undertone in his voice. "You remind me a bit of my sister, actually."

"We're not the same species… He can't even touch me, damn it!"

"Shepard's not so shallow," Kaidan countered.

Garrus chuckled. "Besides, if you don't get a boyfriend ASAP, the elcors will grab you first."

"You big turian _bosh'tet_!"

* * *

Tali tentatively entered the medbay, her silvery eyes scanning the room. Confirming that her target was alone, she proceeded, albeit with caution.

"Doctor Chakwas? Do you have a moment?"

The elderly human spun in her chair. "Tali, dear. What do you need?"

"Nothing medical. I just wanted to ask you a few things. About Shepard."

"Ah, yes. Our fearless Commander." She spoke without a hint of spite or malice. Truly, Shepard's leadership was universal and absolutely respected aboard the Normandy. "What are your questions?"

"Well… you've known him for a long time, right?"

"Since he was in basic," she chuckled. "He was always such a serious boy."

Tali fidgeted nervously where she stood, her hands dancing with each other at her waist. Would Chakwas understand? "I think he's, um… _Keelah_. I'm worried about him."

Chakwas raised an eyebrow, but didn't say anything, the strained silence urging her to continue.

"Something's bothering him," she blurted out.

"The mission seems to be progressing nicely," the doctor pointed out. "And I haven't seen anything out of the ordinary."

"Well, this might be ordinary." Tali sighed. Explaining would be more difficult than she imagined. "There's sometimes a look in his eyes, especially when we're in combat. He just looks so… angry. Like on Noveria, he stabbed a merc when she called me a suit-rat!"

"Oh my."

"I don't know… could it be his life on Earth? Or something else?"

Chakwas actually look surprised. "Huh."

Tali cocked her head in confusion. "Is something wrong?"

"Almost no one knows about his past," she said, smiling faintly. "Kaidan knows because they're very good friends. Brothers, almost. I know because I'm his doctor and psychologist. Not that he tells me anything anyways."

"Should he not have told me?"

"You have to understand where he comes from, Tali. A childhood in hell and a decade of infiltrator wetwork, amongst… other things. He's a carefully guarded individual. He acts friendly, but really? He never lets anyone get close, eschewing most, if not all, emotional attachment. But you… he let you in. You must be quite special."

Tali smiled brightly at the doctor's last statement, while her rational mind argued fiercely against it. _He just felt bad because I told him about my life! Why would I be more special than Ashley or Liara?_

As much as she hoped that she had a more… unique relationship with Shepard, it couldn't be true. Would he really go out of his way to see her in Engineering, more than Liara behind the medbay or Ashley in the cargo hold?

"It's in his body language, the way he walks and moves. Something is eating him from the inside."

Chakwas smiled a sad and knowing smile. "You'd have to ask him yourself. I'm bound by doctor-patient confidentiality."

Tali was disappointed, but this was to be expected. Information about Shepard wouldn't come easily. "Thanks for your time, Doctor." She turned to exit the room.

"He'll probably tell you," Chakwas called after her. "You're close to him, aren't you?"

Tali's face went torrid. Why didn't everyone think that she was in a relationship with Shepard? "A-ah, thanks again." She ducked out of the medbay quickly and headed for the elevator. It was about time to go back to Engineering anyways.

She bounced on her toes as she waited for the lift to rise, pondering the recent influx of information. Chakwas said that she was… special? To Shepard? But he couldn't be interested. Not in a quarian girl stuck in a suit, one that he could never see or touch. He would undoubtedly stick to something closer to home, maybe an asari or another human. Even a turian would be preferable! As much as she hated it, the facts were clear.

Tali stepped into the elevator as the doors opened. _Another shift in Engineering will take my mind off these useless things_.

"Waitwaitwaitwait!" A sprinting Ashley rushed through the doors, panting heavily. She blew out a heavy breath and cast a sideways glance. "Thanks, Tali."

"Not a problem, Chief Williams." Tali noticed that Ashley was carrying a _real_ book, bound in leather and very old. Paper was rare and extremely prized; to have a _real book_ in the same room was mind-blowing. "What's that?"

She could have imagined it, but Ashley looked a little embarrassed. "It's, um, poetry. Not sure if you aliens have it too."

"Of course we do!" Tali replied indignantly. She had heard from Garrus that Ashley was wary of the non-Alliance personnel, but to think that other species didn't enjoy the same art and literature was outright disgusting.

The doors opened, revealing Wrex waiting the lift. Ashley had a priceless expression on her face, one between fear of the enormous krogan and nervousness of being in the elevator with a quarian. "Um, see you later," she muttered, darting out from the elevator and into the cargo bay.

Tali stared after her for a few moments. Ashley and Pressley seemed to harbor a mistrust for aliens, much like those on the Citadel. It was odd, considering that the crew of the Normandy was the most open-minded group she had been with. "Hi Wrex," she said.

"Quarian."

She nodded curtly at the krogan before walking to Engineering. As she entered the sliding doors, she was greeted with a chorus of greetings.

"Tali! Ready to work on those coupling adjustments?"

"Right." She opened up her terminal, immediately falling into sync with the other engineers. As she found herself buried in drive core readouts and harmonic fluctuations, Tali soon forgot all about the issues of the day.


	10. Chapter 10

**I'm being really horrible about updating every week. I hate writing these exposition chapters, but they need to be done. Maybe one more, and we'll get to the real meat of the story: Virmire.**

**On that note, discuss. I have a good idea of what will happen, but let me know your thoughts!**

**Enjoy! Please follow/fav/review!**

Tali meandered slowly through the meadow, daintily placing one foot before the other. The soft grass caressed the soles of her feet and slipped between the gaps of her toes. The bright sun cast gentle rays upon her bare, unblemished skin, leaving her pleasantly warm. The boundless sky was a serene blue, spotted with immaculate white clouds. She breathed deeply and sighed, taking in the environment around her: the musky smell of dirt mixed with the pleasant aroma of flowers and the saltiness of the ocean.

A cool breeze swept in from the sea, and the blades of grass bowed before her. Her simple dress of regal purple pressed against her lithe frame and flowed out behind her like rippling reached down and grasped the stem of a pure white flower, tugging gently until its roots relinquished their hold on the earth. Tali carefully raised it to her nose, slowly inhaling its sweet fragrance. A blissful smile spread across her lips as she gazed out to the swaying blades of grass.

* * *

Tali stepped gracefully out of the sleeper pod, closing the door and setting the timer for the next occupant. Clearly, she wasn't going to get much more sleep. She stretched, arching back and tensing her muscles until she felt the gratifying cracks along her spinal cord. She began walking to the mess hall, her usual spot for late-night thinking.

She had just woken from the strangest dream, where she was roaming an uninhabited planet… suitless. The idea was shocking, yet she awoke peacefully, without an ounce of stress in her body. How strange.

Tali hadn't left her suit since she first received it when she was twelve, but had never desired to take it off before. It was her lifeline and freedom, the reason she could live outside of a clean room and why she could walk around just like any other being. But her Pilgrimage had definitely changed that view.

Was the suit a prison? It kept her from experiencing the outside world, sensations that other species took for granted. Smell, touch, and taste were all maddeningly taken from her. She longed to feel the shivering chill of snow and the warm rays of the sun, to touch a flower and inhale its fragrance. Her Pilgrimage showed her all that she was missing living on the Migrant Fleet.

No doubt Shepard had much to do with this dream. Perhaps it was some unconscious desire, some quarian reaction to outside stimulus. She could trust him with anything, everything. This was a deep bond forged through countless hours of real combat and even more hours of talking with him. They relied on each other as teammates, companions, and friends. He would visit her in Engineering every day, and despite their respective workloads, would end up talking until the end of the shift. Tali felt deeply connected to this man, more so than any other individual. This level of trust was not often found amongst quarians, usually only once in a lifetime. Between a quarian and an alien? Almost impossible.

Yet, he was just her Captain, for now. After the Saren ordeal, she would have to continue on her Pilgrimage. She would find a suitable gift and present it to another ship's Captain and live on that ship for the rest of her life. She would likely never see Shepard again, or any of the other crew, for that matter. Her feelings were just a flight of fantasy, a hopeless dream of a lonely quarian girl. Tali let out a soft sigh as she eased herself into a chair. Shepard was her first friend, an open ear, a great man. The thought of never seeing him again made her feel irrevocably sad.

And still, Tali felt overwhelming, even obsessive, concern for him. She wanted to help him with his problems, just as he was always there for her. Perhaps it was something of quarian physiology, a reaction to her trust in him…

_No._ Tali shook her head vehemently, pulling a packet of water from her suit. She slotted the induction port into her helmet and sucked slowly, savoring its lukewarm temperature as the cool liquid ran down her throat. She needed to think about something else to distract her from these useless thoughts. Surely, nothing could come of them.

Cerberus. The name chilled her through her suit, and she clenched her teeth in disgust. For the past two weeks, they were running to remote outposts across the galaxy on the orders of a human Admiral. Their mission: to disrupt and dismantle the operations of a human terrorist group named Cerberus.

What they found at the bases were… horrific, to say the least. Cruel experiments were run on beings both pedestrian and strange. Asari were injected with various toxins designed to suppress biotic ability. Humans were impaled on dragon's teeth to study to the process of huskification. Thorian creepers and rachni warriors were imprisoned to determine ways to control them.

The group had a penchant for assassination and sabotage on any race, even their own, for the 'development of human dominance'. This, combined with their brutal experiments at the bases, made Tali sick. Why would anyone join such a shady organization?

What was more was the incident on Ontarom…

* * *

"_Shepard?"_

"_I… what? Toombs?" Shepard stared hard at man standing before them, who was pointing a pistol at another human. "I watched you die." he said flatly._

"_These people," Toombs spat. "Cerberus. They engineered Akuze, Shepard. They made it happen. Captured me, tortured me, ran experiments. You got off with a few scratches and a new reputation, didn't ya? Ever had thresher maw acid injected into your veins?"_

_Shepard's demeanor became icy; his eyes were murderous orbs. He leveled his pistol at the unarmed human. "Is this true?"_

"_He's a lunatic!" the scientist exclaimed frantically. "He has no evidence of these claims! You both need to see doctors! You're obviously-"_

_Shepard's pistol barked once, twice, six times. The scientist jerked as the mass accelerator rounds ripped through his chest, blood spurting across the smooth floor. Even as the man fell and the gun vented excess heat, Shepard continued to pull the trigger. His features were tight and contorted with rage. He was angry. So angry._

* * *

Shepard rarely, if ever, lost control, and when he did, it was because someone made a threat to his crew. Or to her, Tali thought with only faint color rising to her cheeks. But this was different. Normally, he would talk Toombs into standing down, like he did with Garrus on the _Fedele_. But instead, he executed the scientist with unwarranted fury. It made no sense.

Tali heard a faint, strangled yell from Shepard's cabin. She instantly perked up, peering intently at the source of the sound. Her mind raced, debating whether or not to check on him. It seemed ridiculously inappropriate, but he was in pain or needed help, she _needed_ to be there for him. But, the question was rendered moot, as Shepard had just stepped from his cabin.

His already fair complexion was ghostly pale and his shirt was damp with sweat. He walked noiselessly through the mess hall and filled a canteen with water, drinking heavily.

Tali watched him dreamily. His shirt stuck to his skin snugly, accentuating his lean, yet broad form. His well-developed muscles were firm and taut, literally inviting her to run her fingers across them…

"Tali?"

He was right in front of her. Her eyes snapped from his body to his face. _Did he notice? Keelah, this is so embarrassing…_

"I, uh… Hi Shepard."

"I haven't seen you here for a while," he remarked casually. He sat across from her, placing his hands face down on the table. "I thought you got used to the lack of noise weeks ago."

"I did. I was just… thinking. About things."

"Aren't we all…" he said quietly, sipping from his water.

After a brief moment of silence, Tali spoke again, her delicate fingers meeting on the tabletop. "Shepard, are you okay?"

He let out a heavy sigh and gave her a small smile. "Yeah."

"Because I heard you screaming a-and I was worried. I was going to check but I didn't want to intrude or anything, so I just… Do you want to talk about it?"

'It's nothing. Just a dream." he said unconvincingly.

Her body moved on its own, placing a hand on top of his two. His eyes widened almost imperceptibly at the gesture, but they continued to meet each other's gaze. Heat rose to her cheeks at her boldness. "If you want to talk," she offered. "I'm here for you."

"I know," he said softly.

They sat there for a few moments in companionable silence, looking at each other. Shepard's eyes were so pretty and warm… She could feel the heat of his body through her glove, but her body wouldn't react. Not that she cared anyways.

The sound of footsteps approaching the mess shook Tali out of her thoughts. Her face flushed with embarrassment, and she timidly removed her hand from his.

"Hey guys- shiiiit."

Tali turned in her chair to see a rapidly retreating Kaidan, who was being pushed back by Ashley. "Oh, hello Kaidan, Ashley."

A grumpy Ashley shoved Kaidan into a chair and sat down herself, crossing her arms with a huff. She kept looking at Tali, then Shepard, in a strange way. Tali dismissed the thought quickly. Humans…

"I hope we're not, you know, interrupting anything…" Kaidan muttered sheepishly.

"What would we be interrupting?" Ashley asked loudly.

"Anyways," Tali said, trying to change the subject. "Why are you two up?"

"Probably the same reason you are," Kaidan replied. "Cerberus."

Shepard's chair clanked noisily against the floor as he stood. "Good night, all of you." He quickly retreated back to his cabin, the doors sliding shut and locking behind him.

Kaidan turned to Tali, unfazed at Shepard's sudden departure. "I'm really sorry," he said, profusely making little bowing motions. "You weren't…?"

"I don't know what you're talking about…" Tali mumbled. She glanced at Ashley, whose scowl was deepening with every word. _This is a horrible time to have this conversation_.

"So you weren't telling him?"

Tali's hands entwined and twisted on the table. "I'm not going to," she said quietly.

It was Kaidan's turn to frown. "Why not?"

"So many reasons… I'll be leaving anyway… There's no point…"

"Hey Ash," Kaidan said suddenly. "What's that quote from Tennyson? Something about love and loss?"

"Why are you asking me to-"

"Come on. It's appropriate, don't you think?"

Ashley sunk a little further into her seat. "'Tis better to loved and lost / Than never to have loved them all."

Tali was shocked. Very little poetry existed on the fleet; most was lost during the War. She couldn't remember the last time she had heard a verse, or even a single line. "That was… beautiful," she admitted. "I haven't heard poetry for a very long time." Ashley actually looked quite pleased with herself.

"So? What do you think?"

Tali shook her head. "Nothing you will say can change my mind, Kaidan. Quarians only bond once. Even if he chooses me, I would have to leave."

"You're a tough one," Kaidan said, rising from his chair. "But don't worry, I'm persistent. Good night, you two." With that, he turned and left for the sleeper pods, leaving Tali alone with her, by far, least favorite crew member.

"Listen, um, Tali," Ashley muttered. She looked quite uncomfortable, to be honest, a side of the human Tali had never seen before. "I'm sorry."

"About what?" Tali feigned indifference as she picked at the stray fabric of her glove.

"You know… the elevator?" Ashley was fidgeting in her seat now, a sight Tali sadistically enjoyed, despite her usually kind nature.

"Oh, that? It's nothing."

"No, I want you to know where I'm coming from," Ashley insisted. "I had a lot of prejudice against aliens growing up. Especially turians. My whole family was disgraced during the First Contact War, so I'm given crap assignments all the time. I'm trying to be more open-minded, but it's hard to get over that, you know? I didn't mean to insult you or anything."

Tali now saw her in a whole new light. It seemed that the majority of the ground team had some sort of tumultuous upbringing, something she could sympathize with. Garrus and his militaristic father, Kaidan and BAat, Shepard and the gangs, and now Ashley. Liara and Wrex… she didn't know much about them.

"I know what you mean. Thanks for telling me this, Chief Williams."

"Uh, no problem," she replied, scratching the back of her neck. "I'm going back to sleep now." Ashley turned and began walking towards the sleeper pods, but turned back halfway. "And call me Ash," she said with a faint smile.

"Good night, Ash." Tali stood up as well, it was about time to get some sleep too. Then she realized that she had locked herself out of the sleeper pod for the night. "_Bosh'tet_," she cursed, settling back down into her chair. _It looks like this will be my bed tonight._


	11. Chapter 11

**I've been gone a while. Sorry! I took a break to go on vacation and settle back into university life. Now I'm back and refreshed, ready to write!**

**kill-phil: You, my friend, are the shit. :)**

**subsider34: Haha, quite the opposite. I was going to write that scene in Tali's POV initially, but it would've sounded weird. Maybe I'll edit it later.**

**shipwreck321: Thanks for the review!**

**Facemelter: I'm so glad someone asked this question. I appreciate the review! I thought Calinstel's idea of quarian bonding was great, but it was overly dramatic and romanticized. Quarian monogamy is an awesome concept, but it doesn't need any of the superfluous stuff. It's like bonding completely dictates their society. That being said, "To Survive" is a great, original story! It's what really got me into fanfiction. And plus, bonding will play a huge role in this story's sequel :)**

**Enjoy! Please review/follow/fav! Thanks for all of the support!**

"Wakey wakey…"

Tali groaned and stirred in annoyance. A pointed finger poked her shoulder, and she shifted her weight to her other shoulder. Whatever the disturbance was, it was persistent.

Hands gripped her shoulders and shook, jarring her into full wakefulness. She stood up suddenly and turned in anger, bumping straight into a smug Garrus. "You _bosh'tet_!"

"Don't be like that. I even let you sleep for an extra three hours!"

"I… what?"

"It was Shepard, actually. He said you needed some rest. Even delayed the mission for you! He's _so_ nice, isn't he?"

Tali looked away, blushing. Though his relentless teasing was annoying, it had some truth to it.

"Oh, and don't worry! We took some nice holos. Maybe even a vid or two."

"Garrus…" she growled warningly.

"And Shepard wants us to meet in the cargo bay in five minutes."

Tali instantly dropped the conversation and sprinted for the elevator, trying her best to ignore the chuckles coming from the turian. She would get him back later, but Shepard always came first.

* * *

Tali worked quickly, overriding the heavy doors within a few seconds. As they slid open, the team burst into the large room, firing upon the entrenched geth before dropping into cover themselves. She quickly set down her shotgun and began working on her omni-tool.

The sheer amount of suppressive forced them to stay in cover for the majority of the firefight, only popping out to take potshots. The base contained an enormous amount of geth, ranging from troopers to a massive juggernaut unit. Clearly, this wasn't a battle that would be easily won.

"Tali, anything?"

"The neural link is too strong!" she called back. "We need to thin them out before I can break through the firewall! The largest units contain the most geth!"

"Alright everyone, new plan! Wrex, Williams, I want you on the big one like glue! Garrus and I," Shepard yelled, motioning to the turian, "Will cover you! Liara and Kaidan, try to take out the small fry as soon as possible!"

"What about me?"

"Keep trying to get through their security!"

"You always have me taking all the bullets," Wrex grumbled, before charging into the fray.

Ashley, however, looked lost and indecisive. She glanced quickly at Garrus, who was working hard to eliminate the geth concentrating on Wrex. She clearly didn't trust the turian yet. "I don't know if…"

"Ash, go!" Kaidan yelled.

"But-"

"Williams!" Garrus barked. "Wrex is going to DIE if you don't get out there. I got your back!"

"Fuck." Ashley unclipped her shotgun and ran off after Wrex, putting blast after blast into the massive geth unit. The battle ended quickly after the unlikely duo took down the juggernaut, allowing Tali to access the geth's defenses and wreak havoc amongst their ranks. As the last geth fell, she quickly crossed the room and began examining one of the terminals.

Suddenly, a large hologram appeared before her and she jumped back in surprise. What she saw was strange and... disturbing. It was a female quarian garbed in a simple dress which flowed about her like water, not unlike the dream that Tali had nights before. She was singing a mournful, melodic song in an ancient dialect, one of lost worlds and dying children.

"Goddess…" Liara breathed. "What is she? She's beautiful…"

"It's a quarian." The whole team turned to Wrex in surprise. He usually kept to himself, but only spoke to interject bits of knowledge and strategy pertinent to the mission. "The recording is three hundred years old."

Tali stepped forward and began typing. "It's code… They're transmitting the song through the Perseus Veil." She quickly terminated the connection and dismantled the neural lace, rendering all of the geth within the system inert. She dug deep into their databases, mining any information she could find. And what she found was incredible.

"_Keelah_… Data on the geth… History, evolution, combat patterns… Terabytes of it…"

She felt a hand on her shoulder and turned her head. It was Shepard. He tilted his head towards Ashley, who was awkwardly checking her weapons. "May I?" he asked quietly.

Tali stepped aside without a word; Shepard obviously didn't want any issues with the Alliance regarding important data. He turned around after a few minutes of typing, moving forward and taking her hand. She stiffened with surprise, but didn't resist as he gently lifted it and pressed a small object into her palm. She uncurled her long fingers after he released her hand to find an OSD. Her breath caught in her throat as she gazed at the piece of technology, which, despite its diminutive size, held the information that could change the fate of her people. _Did he just…?_

Shepard leaned in close and spoke softly so that only she could hear his words. "For your Pilgrimage."

As he moved away and gathered up the rest of the team for extraction, she stood still, clutching the OSD to her chest. She needed this data; it would be wrong not to bring it back to the Flotilla. And yet, she wished that he had never placed it in her hand in the first place.

* * *

Tali slowly twirled the thin OSD in her hands, her deft fingers gliding over its small form. She knew the odds of retaking Rannoch. It would be a massacre. The Flotilla of aged and outdated ships would be obliterated by the advanced and numerous geth, not to mention the limited population of quarians compared to the constantly multiplying geth. But the data she held in her palm contained terabytes of valuable information that could possibly turn the tide of the seemingly inevitable war. With it, military leaders and scientists could create new viruses, attack formations, or even handheld weapons designed for synthetic destruction. Though she had only glanced at the data, Tali could tell that the implications were enormous.

But the fact that it was in her possession meant that she had found a suitable Pilgrimage gift. It was her duty to now return back to the Flotilla and present her findings to a new Captain. It was a prospect many returning Pilgrims were excited for; mistreated in the outside world, quarians would look forward to a new ship and new life amongst their own kind.

But she didn't want that. Tali felt that she had a home on the Normandy; that she _belonged_. She had never felt this way about the Rayya, as her father was quick to alienate her from her peers. But here, she had a place on the ship. She had duties, friends… the place just felt _right_. Even though they were battling geth almost every other day, she never wanted this to end. She was having the time of her life.

A large part of her wanted to just deliver the OSD to the Flotilla and stay on the Normandy. Tali had never done anything for herself before, but this seemed like the correct decision. She could still give her people the data and stay, doing work far more important than running core diagnostics all day.

But still, she felt guilty thinking this way. She would be letting down her people, a dying race. She would be the first Pilgrim to desert in centuries. And what would her father think? She could only imagine his frustration and shame. An Admiral's daughter leaving her people? How disgraceful!

And so, she decided. She would have to leave the Normandy. It was the most difficult decision she had made in her life, but her people needed her. In the end, it didn't matter what she wanted. It never mattered before, why should it now? Leaving would go against the very fiber of quarian morality in her body. It simply couldn't be done.

But how would she tell Shepard?

Tali sighed and pocketed the OSD. There was no need to think about it now. At the moment, she needed a break. She strode through the Engineering doors and into the cargo bay, stopping suddenly at the peculiar sight before her. It was Ashley, walking out of the elevator with Wrex, Garrus, and Liara. In a group. As Tali stepped into the threshold, the four turned around.

"Ah, Tali. We were just going to get you," Liara said. "Chief Williams wanted to meet with us."

"Okay," she replied, walking out to join them. They settled onto the various crates and boxes scattered around the large room. It was quite odd that Ashley would call a meeting, with 'aliens' no less. Tali understood that Ash tried her best to be neutral when dealing with other species, but had difficulty overcoming her ingrained prejudices.

"What do you want, Williams?" Wrex seemed more grumpy than usual.

"I just wanted to say sorry. For being an asshole."

Garrus smirked. "Interesting."

"Garrus!" Liara admonished. "Please, continue."

"Thanks. I, uh, usually don't tell people about this so I don't know where to start… Have you heard of General Williams?"

"Oh, I know this one!" Garrus deadpanned. "Shanxi. The only human general to surrender to the turians. A relative of yours?"

"Um, yeah. Grandpa."

"Must've been a real kick in the quad."

"Right. Even though my family has a long history of service in the Alliance, we don't rise very far in the ranks. I always get posted at boring ground bases." She actually sounded quite bitter. "I grew up in a family that doesn't trust aliens. I'm not trying to be a racist, but that's how I was raised."

"I hope you realize," Tali said quietly. "That we aren't responsible for the actions of our ancestors." It was a fact that she knew all too well.

"Right," Garrus interjected. "Like Tali didn't create the geth. And I haven't killed any humans. And Wrex is actually smart!"

"Watch it, Vakarian."

"And Liara… Actually, asari haven't done anything." Liara just smiled sweetly.

"Now that I've told my story… I'll try my best to trust you all and work as a team. I'll have you guys' backs." Ashley shrugged nonchalantly. "And who knows? Maybe we can be friends." She stepped forward and extended a hand to Garrus, who took it and shook firmly.

"See? We aliens aren't so bad."

"Just don't pull another stunt like today," Wrex grumbled as he gripped Ash's hand.

Tali and Liara both gave her a hug. It took guts to tell her story before people she barely knew, barely trusted. Tali legitimately felt sorry for her. Ash was actually quite pleasant once she got past all of the prejudices. This team was finally coming together: stronger teamwork, tighter friendships… She could just feel it. They were becoming a family. Her family. Tali smiled brightly in the revelation of a new level of belonging, her worries of leaving the Normandy completely forgotten.


End file.
